|Reviews for Calder: Antique Papers: November 2022|
| Dr. Self Destruct 8/21/12 . chapter 1
I liked how you told a great portion of this story through recounts from a journal. While the idea itself isn't entirely original, it's a nice break from what I normally read, and the experimentation was very interesting. I did have trouble keeping track of all the characters, but that's more personal preference than anything else. But still, I wonder if they all were really important enough to have names. It can be a lot to remember, especially in something that's only 4k words long.
I noticed sometimes you lead into an action tag with a comma instead of a period, which isn't grammatically correct. Some examples:
["Come in and have a seat," Calder scarcely raised his eyes. "Are you needing any clarification on your assignment today?]
["With this," Tristan raised a shining key with a smile. "I made you a key that can open any door."]
["Enjoy," a garda plopped the thin file on the wooden table ahead of Calder and exited the room. ]
Since the prose interspersed with the dialogue is action and not an enhancement for the words that are being said, they need to be led into with a period and the following word capitalized. So for the first one it should be, "Come in and have a seat." Calder scarcely raids his eyes." the second should be, "With this." Tristan raised a shining key..." and the third should be "Enjoy." A garda plopped the thin file on a wooden table..."
You can find some free guides on Google if what I'm saying is unclear. They're very helpful. Or you could also refer to a favorite book to see how the author does it there.
| Persevera 8/21/12 . chapter 1
I like the reveal of this. It seemed a little far-fetched that someone else over all of the years didn't notice the discrepancy in the dates but family wouldn't look at it as objectively. I also liked the idea that the boss of the mine was being cuckolded by an employee's son.
I know that you were anxious to get to the meat of the story, but the first part seemed a little pat. A busy mathematics professor would usually have to hear some of the story before saying "I can do that" to the proposition of an investigation. Also Alyssa's "assuming" he would be talented as a private detective seems a stretch.
The diary entries are very believable for the era. Maureen's purchases are in keeping for the time, as is her interests in her daughter being a lady. The rather mundane ways in which women spent their days was accurately conveyed.
The ending was cool. I like that Calder felt the need to call his mother and thank her for being who she was. It was a contrast to his reassurance to Alyssa that who she was was determined by her, not her ancestors. I liked the irony.
| AThousandPromises 8/21/12 . chapter 1
For the diary entries, you should put quotation marks around them; they start to get a bit confusing, especially with bits of the present interspersed between them. It would be much clearer if you could separate them somehow.
There's also a part in the diary entry that says "...came rushing down the stairs, but I managed to rush ahead of him." Umm, maybe you could vary your language here- it sounds odd with the word "rush" twice in the same sentence.
At the part where Calder wakes up, you should also put a line after that entry, to indicate that he stopped reading.
Also, "Ian Manser is the son of a Dutch man who immigrated to Ireland" rather implies (to me, anyway) that Ian Manser is the one that immigrated to Ireland, as opposed to his father, which I soon figured out.
I love the names in this- Aine, Calder, Maureen. They're very creative. The ending is good too, it shows that the case affected Calder.
| viola-writ 8/21/12 . chapter 1
I liked the way you described everything in detail because i love it when i can picture a story in my head. The plot of the story is awesome. I tried to work along with Calder in solving the case. It is a mind bender and is a very good one. :) :)