|Reviews for Phantom Seasons|
| AlexTheWindDragon 1/28/13 . chapter 5
I like the idea of your story, can't wait to see how they are going to use there powers and how the caracter develop troughout the story.
: D keep up the good work
| Robin Red 11/15/12 . chapter 2
I like the mystery :D Be careful with comma splices, though. It makes the narration sound rushed sometimes.
| bitha 9/14/12 . chapter 5
nyc stry ;)
| her brown eyes 9/11/12 . chapter 5
Well, I really like learning about all the characters. And I like the feel of the story, I like these friends with superpowers. So of course I especially liked last chapter, learning all the superpowers. Good job!
| Chromatic 9/9/12 . chapter 5
This story does remind me a lot about Hogwarts. :D I don't know if that was the intention or not but hey, I am a harry potter fan so *thumbsup*
Anyways so far I think the friendship was rushed a little. Personally as an reader, I would find it more interesting if the characters developed relationships more slowly and it becomes more complex and intricate. As for the powers element, I'm not exactly into the whole thing UNLESS it's done right. (I have a tendency to dislike it often because of over powering and just simple mistreatment or understanding. And sometimes it ends up being too cliche and predictable.)
But so far so good, just hopefully slow down the pace of friendship for now. Let Kristy explore a little more about these people.
| deepika 9/6/12 . chapter 5
nice one 3 3
| whatthegreencarrot 9/5/12 . chapter 5
["Turn the power on Sophie," we heard a girl saying.
"I'm trying but I can't Jane," Sophie replied.] first sentence, comma after on. Second, comma after trying and can't.
["Trust me I tried. But I couldn't overpower her power that came with vengeance. Finally Derek understood what was going on and explained the situation to our parents." Amelia said.] comma after "me" in the first sentence. Third sentence, comma after finally. You put a period before the "Amelia said", like [parents."] that should've been a comma. Keep it up!
| buddyBatmanWW 9/5/12 . chapter 1
"Though the sun still shines brightly over me..."
It's damn heavy, and I am tempted to think there is more to this story than a happy go lucky chap (here on) with special powers. I won't comment on the writing style, that's not my forte. I am following your story, and seems like storm clouds are yet to rise. May be there is a prologue to this series...right?
Anyways, I loved the character build up till now. Hope to encounter some twists and turns in the plot. Keep up the good work!
| Highway Unicorn 9/2/12 . chapter 5
This was a easy, laid-back chapter. We got to see what the dorm was like, and some of the personalities of the girls. I bet Dorthy is going to cause some trouble :( but we'll see what happens...
| Q-Works 8/27/12 . chapter 4
I have to say, I'm excited! I really love super hero fiction. Your story might not be about superheroes, but darn it if Meg isn't my favorite out of the bunch. It seems a bit like Harry Potter and X-Men kinda rolled in one, which is good because as stated before, I love superheroes.
The story seems to be off to a good start now and I'm curious to see what, if anything, happens to the Professor. I'm imagining a very hot lady lol. While the story did get off to a slow stride, I think you've hit your mark now. You've got an interesting band of characters. Consider me "Following".
| whatthegreencarrot 8/24/12 . chapter 4
["When I call your name please step onto the platform."] comma after name.
| Highway Unicorn 8/23/12 . chapter 4
From Roadhouse. I know you said to review this chapter in your request, but it just felt weird for me to just jump in the middle without reading/reviewing the other three. :)
Anyways, I think you can drop the little '*' throughout and get rid of "(Psychometric - Ability to sense the power or aura of an object or human by touch. Telepathy - The ability to read and influence minds. Pyrokinetic - Ability to manipulate fire. Super brain power - Ability to think in a very fast and advanced way. Diamond Body - Ability to make one's body as hard and strong as a diamond. Flight - Ability to fly. Elasticity - Ability to stretch one's body. Psychic - One who can see the future. Replication - Ability to replicate oneself. Magnetic ability - Ability to attract magnetic substances.)" Because it sets the flow of the story off. I'm assuming that this is some sort of author's note, but it really isn't needed. I'm sure if a reader was curious as to what the abilty meant, they could look it up.
This story reminds me of Hogwarts...which can be a good thing or a bad thing. Good, because I like the plot, bad if you're thinking about getting this story published. If you do have your goals set on getting this published, i suggest shaking the plot up around so that it doesn't resemble harry potter so much. But if this is just for fun, then everything is perfectly alright. :)
I hope i didn't sound mean in any of the reviews. All i want is to help out the best of my abilities. I hope i was of some aid! :D
| Highway Unicorn 8/23/12 . chapter 3
From Roadhouse again! :D
"It took me a minute well more than a minute to wrap my head around it..." should be "It took me a minute, well more than a minute, to wrap my head around it..."
"Oh my God is this really what I think it is?" should be "Oh my God, is this really what I think it is?"
"No Gabrielle I am an only child," should be "No Gabrielle, I'm an only child,"
"The story made its impression on all of us." Since Kristy doesn't have the power to read others' minds, she can't possible know that just yet. You need to show why it made a impression instead of just state it. For example, write out each girls' facial expression, or body language. Body language is a good way to show how a character feels without directly telling the reader how they feel.
"Wow they were so kind and generous," should be "Wow, they were so kind and generous,"
I like the tension you've created with Amelia, especially when she calls Kristy out for thinking her to be bitter.
| Highway Unicorn 8/23/12 . chapter 2
Again, it seems like your writing out the events at a fast pace. There isn't any real thought process with Kristy and her feelings towards everything. For example, when she gets the visions how does she automatically figure them to be visions? Instead of having her instantly jump to that conclusion, you should have her think it out and slowly come to the realization that it might be a strange power.
I just think you can lengthen out these chapters more than what you're doing.
I like the plot and where this story is heading, I really do. :) With a little time and effort, you could have a real masterpiece! :D
| Highway Unicorn 8/23/12 . chapter 1
Hi from roadhouse! :)
Hmm interesting start, I must say.
Okay, this is what I didn't like: I didn't like how Kristy came off a bit too angsty. I think you could have written out her bitter feelings towards her family in a way that was less angsty. Instead of telling the readers that the family doesn't like her, show them. You can write out a moment between the speaker and her family where it shows that she is disliked.
I would also suggest more detail. This chapter went by fast, and I think you could have added in a bit more though process/narration.
Now, what I liked: I like how Kristy has goals on getting to college. I also like how she thinks out routes to take to leave her negative surrounding. It also saddens me to see how the parents favorite the other daughter, but that's a good aspect of your writing.
Now onto chapter 2!