|Reviews for Musings|
| bad-p0sture 9/22/12 . chapter 15
I enjoyed these. keep it up.
| Lion.of.Revelation 9/16/12 . chapter 6
I like this one. Makes me think of Cthulhu...
| Aniseed Meringue 9/15/12 . chapter 1
Excuse me? where is the tibetan mastiff? what are you taking and where can i get some?
p.s Haiku wasn't too bad :)
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 13
Interesting. I like the contrast between the first and the third line (admittedly I had to read it twice, but that might be more me than you in this case) because it’s reminiscent to just lying awake, unable to sleep and wishing you could because you’re so tired, but at the same time of suicide via. overdosing – sleeping forever. Innocent and not-so-innocent image incorporated together.
I also like how you threw the word “still” in there because it suggests a sense of desperation and mental instability somehow and therefore gives it an additional voice. That last line reinforces the second.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 12
Okay, this is a little different from your other one; I don’t like the past tense in the last line because it’s just a moment of self-doubt as opposed to something more concrete. I think if you wrote it as “it wasn’t enough”, it would be more powerful because that presents a concrete and definite idea, a dream that wasn’t achieved. Sort of like “that’s it. The end”. I like the word “glorious” because it really sets the dream up as the “high” before the fall; makes its failure more prominent.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 11
I don’t like the order of your second and third lines – I think the way you’ve written it diminishes the impact of the freedom and the edge – it makes more sense to me if you flip them so the edge precedes groundless freedom; it’s more sequential that way. I like your use of the word “small” though because it showcases a moment of hesitation as well as the countering will.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 10
Why suddenly stop your centre alignment?
I like your second line because it has a nice image of exhaustion and overpowering about it. I don’t like the third one because it breaks, in my opinion, the image of “dismal”. It’s a little too dramatic for that, and it seems to me like they would have already stood guard and lost.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 9
I don’t like the past tense narration of these because it somewhat diminishes the effect of the image; I think it would have been far more engaging as first person. I like the image of the pearl though because, while it’s a jewel (and associated with the sea), it has somewhat of a murky context so provides a nice contrast with the “bright” descriptor, and also it’s value suggests some of the things waves are known for – surfing for instance. And photography.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 8
I don’t like how you use the word “Macabre” like a name; I think you could have used an actual figure, of witchcraft like Hecate perhaps?, and it would have been far more effective.
I like how you describe the scene like a show though; it’s a nice allusion to Shakespeare’s line in Macbeth and As You Like It: “all the world’s a stage…” or whatever the exact wording was. But it gives a good image of the inconsequence on a larger scale of the lives we lead now (if you believe in a life after death or reincarnation I suppose).
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 7
I don’t like the flow with this one because it comes out rather jerky and the sounds don’t really seem to tie together from line to line. As a stand alone, I like the first line though because of its allusions to “twinkle twinkle little star” and how you turn its image on its head, alluding to the overturning of innocence from a childrens’ nursery rhyme.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 6
I like the image of the silver platter because it gives an image of wealth and fragility, but at the same time silver blackens, so it’s not perfection. An imperfect beauty of sort. Not as valuable as gold, but more valuable than something like aluminium for instance.
I don’t like the last line. Personally, I think it would work a lot better with the word “shatter” to reinforce the image of fragility. Devour, while it does relate to the concept of the platter in terms of food, seems less powerful to me, especially as I can see more a dry-bone remain, cracked bits of earth staying behind. The fact that you’ve used silver reinforces that – copper or earthware might have been more appropriate for dining. Or tin/aluminium. Or porcelain.
I’m inclined to lean towards the second tone. :)
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 5
I like the third line because it’s so general and therefore could be thought about and applied in many contexts, nicely capturing many problems the world faces in comparison to the older times when those problems weren’t in existence. I don’t like the word “paranoia” because it drags out the second line, and I think it’s not even necessary. You could have used a dash instead and it would have been more dramatic.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 4
I like the imagery of this because it reminds me of Helen of Troy while at the same time relating to more modern issues. I also like the repetition of the burning image in two different contexts because it provides a nice encompassing contrast that nicely ties your haiku together.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 3
I like the image of the borrow here as it resembles a rabbit hole like the story of Alice in Wonderland, in a sense returning to a world of fantasy, and also of a mouse that gives the image of a shy/introverted person. Clever.
I don’t like how you’ve used the word “once” because that seems to be the only hard sound in this haiku and throws off the soft rhythm you have for the rest of it.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 2
My favourite is the second haiku because not only does it have a beautiful imagery but it flows well as well. Your first one’s a little less appealing because its’ rhythm is a little jarring because of the way you’ve worded/punctuated it. “watching” perhaps instead of “watched”? I think that second line could still use some reworking though.