|Reviews for Evelyn|
| rainbowsandglitter13 8/29/12 . chapter 2
I love it. You're one of the most talented people on this site. I have no criticism. :3
| rainbowsandglitter13 8/29/12 . chapter 1
This is really interesting. I like it.
You did a great job with descriptions in this prologue, not making them too long or too short. I also like how the characters' reactions to what each other says are always shown to the reader. :)
The only thing that sounds a bit strange is your sentence "Idhrenion lowered his voice, calming his harsh tongue, the poor elf really didn't deserve his spite (...)". I don't know why, but that one sentence struck me off as weird-sounding. Maybe there could be a dash or a period rather than a comma in between "calming his harsh tongue" and "the poor elf"?
Some things I really found amazing:
- watching with eyes like those of a fish caught on a hook, seeing the sun for the first time without the protection of the water
- his voice split the silence with a shrill fury
- His eyes were a deep brown, like the color of bark in spring after a rain,
- He could sense Idhrenion's rising suspicion and continued speaking swiftly,
- Idhrenion breathed in deeply, allowing the crisp night air to pierce his lungs like an array of tiny daggers.
You're amazingly talented and please keep it up!
| Rumakiel 8/23/12 . chapter 2
I really love your writing style, honestly. I love the story so far. Things aren't moving too fast, but not too slow either. The pace is great and I like how descriptive the writing is. It's interesting seeing what's become of her so far. I like the dimensions you're giving her. Great character developement for one chapter!
I can't wait to read more! I'm excited to see who this mysterious girl is.
| Deserthawk 8/22/12 . chapter 2
Woah. Nice cliffhanger there. Hm, 'Tangled in a web of thick fishing net...' maybe a mermaid-type creature? I liked that part about waves at the end. Shows she's still childlike in a way. Eve's voice in general is great. Honest but humorous. Especially when she's describing things she dislikes ('crappy family diner', lol). 'perhaps a talking fox that could fly named Casabian' That made me laugh too. Is that a reference? Reminds me of the Little Prince for some reason.
Your metaphors/similes are cool. 'as though a bicycle were being reflected in the headlights of a car' Could imagine exactly what that was like.
Good intro to everything. Introduces Eve's history, without being abrupt or just dumping information. And her thoughts seem very lifelike as well. I like how there's still some unanswered questions. What happened to Dean/who is he. Somehow I feel like it connects to her past. I'm guessing that stick man is also from that other world. Perhaps that mysterious one from the prologue... Looking forward to the next chap.
| Bryan 8/22/12 . chapter 2
Why must you always leave me wanting more ?
| Sans Changer 8/22/12 . chapter 1
Well, you've got some really nice similes and metaphors in here. Like seriously, how do you have time to come up with them all? Also, your spelling and grammar are also very good, as well as your vocabulary. Unfortunately, the story doesn't really flow. It seems a bit stoppy-starty, like there's some bits missing. The plot is also confusing; I've read and re-read it and I am not sure exactly what is going on. One last tip: your character names are a bit too long and difficult to pronouce, I suggest short, sharp names that stick in the reader's mind, I found myself losing track of who was who. All in all, great technical skills, not great storytelling. But I shall read on, because I want to see if you improve.
| Deserthawk 8/22/12 . chapter 1
I like your imagery. Especially that of Beinion in the beginning. Give a good image of the scene, how everybody looks like. How you put a bit of it here and there so it's not overwhelming at all. I also like how you gradually reveal that they're elves, that's there's a fantasy element here. Makes it seem very natural somehow. All those little hints to the Council and the creatures (those fairies, heh) ... hope we find out more about them soon. And who Fainauriel is.
Great first chapter, it definitely pulled me in. Guessing it's kind of a prologue? Went in a different direction from what I was expecting with the summary, which is awesome. It'll be cool to see how the fantasy fits in with those details of Evelyn's life in the future...
| JustJazzyD 8/21/12 . chapter 1
I received your twitter msg to check out your story so I did.
I think I'll wait till I've read a few chapters to give a detailed review. But I will say that I am curious about the fate of the halfling. Your names are weird but as they are fae, I can dig it. I look forward to more posts.
And oh, if you like vamps and other supernatural creatures, check out my story too. Thanks!
| tayrox 8/21/12 . chapter 1
Wow that's really good! Keep you the good work! Can't wait for more :)
| Rumakiel 8/20/12 . chapter 1
I really like this so far! Very descriptive, and an original interesting take. :) I love the whole fantasy thing. I'm very curious to see what will happen to the "halfling". All of the terms used and the customs that appear to be important to these elves are really interesting as well! Really can't wait to keep reading!
| Bryan 8/20/12 . chapter 1
This is freakin amazing. After the second line I was hooked ! Now I am left wanting more and wondering what will become of this halfling child o.o