|Reviews for Wind Warrior|
| Tomoyuki Tanaka 1/27/13 . chapter 25
Oh hell. I was going to celebrate when Griselda seemed to die, only to receive more bad news. She will be back, and she will be much more badass than ever. I thought she was bad enough before, and now she has the Gray Misty Phantom's powers at her beck and call? Oh no! The poor Ascendancy.
For the Ascendancy! The Ascendancy's enemies will suffer! I don't care if you're Griselda or Unster or Conall, you will all die at our hands!
Okay, getting too carried away there. Anyway, great chapter as always and I look forward to the next! Your stories are as awesome as always, and I love reading them! Keep going!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka 1/19/13 . chapter 24
Nice chapter as usual! Awesome! I'm glad you didn't drag Aeron's lost journey in the swamp and went straight to the point where he was rescued and brought right back into the action. I think that was very wise. Having him stuck in the swamp for days and running into otherworldly encounters and getting stronger, etc, would be cliched, so cutting all those fillers out was a great choice! Thanks! I probably would have cried from boredom if he were to spend any longer in the swamp.
And Will died? Really? I thought he wasn't going to died, but you killed him. Is it my imagination or all the guys are dropping like flies (except Aeron) while the girls are surviving? None of the girls died, if I recall, but the guys are getting lesser and lesser. Oh well. Keep to your plan, and don't mind me. It doesn't really matter.
All right, looking toward the next chapter! Must say the battle scenes in this chapter is awesome! Yes, this chapter is epic as usual, and you even have a great moment with Conall and his hunting down of the nobles. Good, good, the plot thickens. I can't wait! Okay, see you next time!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka 1/11/13 . chapter 23
I feel sorry for the soldier. I wished that he survived along with Aeron. He'll never be able to see his wife and daughter again, and they will grieve and weep over his demise. I know I will. Poor guy. Too bad Aeron couldn't save him along with himself.
However, his ploy to backstab the two Dearg-Du while out-talking them was brilliant. I loved that part! Awesome. As usual, your stories are very awesome. I hope to read more! I also hope Aeron makes it out of that God-forsaken swamp and return to the convoy. Did he forget about the fish he caught, though? I mean, he caught at least one fish, why didn't he eat that one?
Well, here's hoping he makes it back to the convoy! I look forward to the next chapter as always!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka 1/4/13 . chapter 22
Awesome chapter as always! I wonder how Aeron is going to get out of this mess. It makes the love triangle the least of his worries. I can only hope he won't turn into a thrall, that would be a bad way to end up. Maybe he'll run into the werewolves again? That would be cool, I think. In any case, I look forward to the next chapter! Oh yeah, the earth mage scene was so cool! The way they went about constructing a road in the swamp was pure awesome! Nice, very nice. Well, then again everything about the chapter is nice. I hope to read more soon!
| Amadeus Crane 1/3/13 . chapter 21
I was a bit iffy about your use of 'camaraderie' in the phrase "We recognise the need for camaraderie". Personally I would use something more along the lines of unity or solidarity. The definition of camaraderie (source: 1 .com, 2 , 3 Google):
1. comradeship; good-fellowship
3. Mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together
Synonyms (source: 1 , 2 Google):
1. cheer, companionability, companionship, comradeship, conviviality, esprit de corps*, fellowship, gregariousness, intimacy, jollity, sociability, togetherness
2. comradeship - fellowship - companionship - friendship
Antonyms (source: ): bad blood, dislike, hate
It's still acceptable use of the word, it just feels a little at odds with the setting as you read it.
Next, "drilled a hole right in a werewolf's skull." A more accurate phrase might be "drilled a hole right through a werewolf's skull." or "drilled a hole in a werewolf's skull" or "drilled a hole through a werewolf's skull" because the sentence you used isn't very comfortable to read.
Finally, the sentence "So, Aeron raked his brass fingers downwards." Getting rid of the comma and turning it into "So Aeron raked his brass fingers downwards." makes it flow better, and you might even want to get rid of the "So" completely.
And again, great story.
| NoWordsDiscribeMe 12/31/12 . chapter 21
I see the Kenna/Aeron/Sianna thing might be resolved? Nice chapters.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka 12/30/12 . chapter 21
YAAAY! Nice chapter! And looks like Aeron's relationship with Kenna is heading for serious trouble. Uh oh. Oh dear. This isn't good, for either of them. Well, it was good to see Aeron's hybridized methods of wind magic, and he is pretty cool! Speaking of which, I had better check up on the poll.
Okay, looking forward to the next chapter!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka 12/20/12 . chapter 20
Yay! Nice story! I thought the McBain girl failed, and you forgot to mention if the Kendrick kid passed or failed. Well, considering that he rang the bell, I'm guessing that he passed for sure. But that was one hell of a test! It was awesome, well-written and moving. I really like it. Having Aeron hybridize the Druid and Mage Force's ways was a great idea! Nice fight scenes and awesome mindsets emerge from that, and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter now.
| Amadeus Crane 12/20/12 . chapter 20
A few flaws to point out:
Right now, the morning breeze felt like a blunt PRESENCE, like a freight train blaring its PRESENCE.
The familiar sound of splitting earth surrounded Aeron and he heard THICK VINES and roots explode out of the ground. Swallowing tightly, Aeron expanded his air sensory aura a little further and felt the air quiver as a THICK VINE displaced it. Alarmed, Aeron jumped and rolled a second later. He was just in time; a THICK VINE grazed his back and he winced as its thorns cut into his Mage Force uniform and the skin underneath.
To be honest, these are largely the same as before. Your vocabulary is good, but some areas of it are very narrow. Try using adjectives to term "vines" differently, by not directly stating the name, or find other types of botany for plant/earth based mages to use offensively - roots perhaps? Even insects such as bees and ants could be a possibility.
As always, the story's great and I'm loving it. Stay awesome.
| NoWordsDiscribeMe 12/15/12 . chapter 19
| David Swiss 12/14/12 . chapter 10
The mine bit is great. Reminds me of this really good book I read when I was a kid. Unfortunately I forgot the name :/ but I digress. Story shaping up well, and as always good writing.
| David Swiss 12/14/12 . chapter 1
Interesting... I like the little dictionary thing at the bottom. I hate it when you read a great story but can't keep up with all the different weird names/factions etc. Good story.
| Amadeus Crane 12/14/12 . chapter 19
Great as usual, but I just wanted to point out a couple things you could've done better - ironing out the wrinkles, so to speak.
He scooted to the left on a puff of air, then raised his arms and drew upon the GALES behind Duncan. Fierce GALES buffeted the druid and threw him off-balance, giving Aeron his chance... Aeron fought desperately to stay on his feet, straining against the GALES
In the first part I extracted, you'd do well to get a different word for the gales. The same word occurring in two consecutive sentences doesn't sit too well, and disrupts the flow.
He released a jet of air right at his opponent's head with the INTENT to disorient his foe.
I'm not so sure about this one, it's probably correct, but when you read it you kind of trip up at this sentence. Again, I don't know what to do here but you might consider changing it, as it doesn't feel right reading it.
Just as Aeron prepared another WIND attack, Duncan added his own WIND power to Aeron's propulsion
I would suggest saying simply "Duncan added his own power to Aeron's propulsion", because the repetition doesn't feel nice.
These are mostly just suggestions to improve the flow of the story. I can't find much else wrong with you're writing. Hope this was useful :)
| Tomoyuki Tanaka 12/13/12 . chapter 19
Awesome chapter as always! This is great! Nice life lesson (though kind of obvious to me, who already read and know the same principles of you are who you make yourself to be, and not who you are born to be), and nice to see the relationship between Aeron and Siana growing. However, there's still the childhood friend who is in love with Aeron, right? Oh dear. This is going to get messy. In any case, I'll look forward to the next chapter!
Brian is...complicated. Why would a druid in training want to leave for adventure? Kind of defeats the purposem of training to be a druid in the first place. He probably had the wrong impression of the druids when he signed up for them.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka 12/10/12 . chapter 18
Awesome chapter, as always! I really enjoyed the teachings of the druids and seeing a new style of wind magic! The rebels' negotiation was also cool. So there are non-mages who can rise to the top even without magic, and through sheer skill alone. I like stuff like that.
I look forward to the next chapter as always!