|Reviews for The Mystery of Icotopia|
| Loraine Wentworth 1/6/13 . chapter 4
I like the way that you describe the landscape through the reactions of the characters- this is a unique way of getting the description in without dumping too much information. It also made it much more realistic and gave me a good sense of the setting of the chapter.
I thought it was funny when Tiara used the story to tell Urelan to stop annoying her!
Just a few typos:
COULDN'T FIND A BETTER PLANE WITH BIGGER PLACE?" [Should there be a 'you' between 'couldn't' and 'find'?]
Tiara and Urelan rooms together [I don't think you need an 's' on the end of room here.]
She then says with a gratefulness expression. [Remove the '-ness' on the end of grateful.]
Overall though, this was a fun chapter and I look forward to reading more :)
| Loraine Wentworth 9/21/12 . chapter 2
This is a fun beginning. I like the teacher's confusion at the start! It made me laugh. With the idea of the vacation there is a real sense of excitement that is clearly conveyed.
You've introduced some intriguing characters here. I like the little details you give about them: this defines them as individuals without being an info-dump. For example, the way you describe Tiara's quiet manner and Urelan's hyperness.
| Loraine Wentworth 9/21/12 . chapter 1
I'm normally not a fan of prologues and find myself skimming them.
I enjoyed this one, however. There were clear characters named and this caught my attention. I thought you did a good job of creating a frightening, ominous atmosphere. I will be reading on!
| Goodnessgraciousme 9/14/12 . chapter 1
This is quite interesting, actually. The only suggestion that I really have is to work on showing, not telling. For example, when it says the crew is very scared, what about them is telling you that they are scared? You could say that the crew was shaking with fear, or their faces were pale and their knuckles were white. What about Henric looks upset? What sea monsters are out there and what do they look like? Excellent work on the spelling and grammar.