I would recommend you attempt to use more prolific language. Tr to look up synonims for some of the more base adjectives. This would improve the feeling of the text, avoid the simple, go for the extraordinary!

And remember to configure outlook right for Pål simen Hem!

That was great! I really want to read the rest. Please put out more stuff soon :)

5 stars ;)

OMG! What happened next?!
Criticing wise, the beginning was confusing and short. Were was she before she caught the bus? Why did she stay away from the forest until now? Where is her grandmother who gave her the warning? Why did her dad let his daughter go out at night in her nightgown? Why didn't her trusty dog follow her? Where did the other witches go? And typo on the mattress.
In all, I'm intrigued but I hope you thought of these things. Can't wait to see what happens next! :)