|Reviews for The Good Doctor|
| Order and Chaos - Qui Iudicant 2/20/13 . chapter 1
Whoa, what is this story about? Fantasy or Sic-fi? Anyways, this is really good! (BTW, I'm interested to know about this 'Empire' and what's going on ;) )
| nightfuries 1/12/13 . chapter 1
"Well, it's done: Jenna, I have the money." Dr. Andras Joshù said, as he walked down the stairs into his living room.
- The period after "money" should be a comma. And the comma after "said" is unnecessary
"…You did?" Even though Jenna had forced away her denial away, her words still bespake her disbelief.
- Bespake? Really? Don't think I've ever seen that version of the verb used before, and it's a little weird
"Isn't there anything you can do, Andras?"
- Should be in the paragraph above, otherwise it gets confusing as to who's speaking
"Please, Andras—think of us—think of the children!"
- I don't know if it's because it's really cliche or I just saw something funny recently where "think of the children!" was used, but I giggled at this part :)
...his right shoulder as he opened the door. As he opened the door, the doctor turned around...
- You've repeated that same phrase ('as he opened the door') right next to each other. I'd try and figure out a way not to do that
For this chapter in general (I'm assuming it's a chapter of something and not a oneshot, right?), it was pretty good, though there's not much to go on. Usually, I'm a huge fan of dialogue, but I found there wasn't enough of anything else in this chapter. That's not to say you should take some dialogue out; just put some more stuff in. After all, this is only 696 words. Plus it's nice to see variation in paragraph lengths, and at the beginning they're all less than one line long.
One thing I've noticed in this chapter and your other story as well is you tend to use dashes A LOT. It's not a bad thing per se, but seeing so many of them gets weird, and can also lead to run on sentences. Sometimes you can even just replace them with commas to make things better, or else try and split one sentence into two.
Other than that, I don't really have all that much to say, since there isn't too much to go on here :) Still, good chapter!
| Amy B. R. Mead 1/5/13 . chapter 1
I enjoyed this, and I felt that I should return the favor of your very helpful reviews on Dragon Marked.
["—think of us—think of the children!"] This line seems a bit overly dramatic. I know that you're trying to convey Jenna's desperation, but "Think of the children" is so often used in a humorous context that I have trouble taking it seriously here. I'd suggest something along the lines of "And Andras... your children..." Of course, it is your choice.
I would like to know what class Jenna and Andras are, because they speak very formally, and I don't know if that's intentional.
| Krystal Watters 12/20/12 . chapter 1
I read this before I got your PM, and I personally hate reading somthing without leaving a review.
( A.Y. 1388) - why not use "ca." ?
"—The Empire needs..." - I don't think that's the interrupting party needs the double hyphen. I'm no English major so I could easily be wrong.
Also, your use of semi-colons and ellipsis may be grammatically correct, but too many may be a distraction. I especially think that this is True in the dialogue. Common people don't have the best grammar. And IIMH-nonexpert-O ellipsis in dialogue should be used if someone losses their train of thought completely, not for pauses, etc.
I liked how tender the two seemed, but since this story is presumably more focused on andras, I feel like we shouldn't end with the wife's perspective.
| thewhimsicalbard 12/8/12 . chapter 1
Alright, so it's a month later, but I'm finally reviewing you back.
This is... Well, there's not a whole lot to it, I guess. I will admit that you have the older-man character down pretty well. There's a certain element that you capture very easily, and I like that. It's fun to read your characters.
The fact that this story is all character/dialogue driven was excellent. You don't waste time world-building here. I don't know if it's in the same universe as your Dahrain (sp?) Chronicles, but I don't really care. I don't really care that I know next to nothing about the world. Your summary told me the basics, and that's all I needed to know. This is just well-done. I was interested the whole time, and it's finals week. That's an impressive feat right there.
Now, I do have a few little complaints. The first is that you published this story with less than 700 words. I mean, bro... the best way to sum up this story is, "Well... Good what there was of it!" I mean, how am I supposed to go anywhere on less than 700 words of mostly dialogue? I need more to get me hooked!
Honestly, that might have been my only complaint. There wasn't exactly a lot to pick through here, but I did enjoy it, though I definitely enjoyed it from the perspective of an author as opposed to that of a reader. As a reader, there's just so little true substance here, because you haven't built this very real and emotional opening scene on anything else. I'm not saying it feels fake; there's just nothing else happening to prove that it's real.
The only other problem is that I'm running out of stuff to review for you. I only have one more story left. You need to step up your publishing rate!
| Nmb3l35s S0u1 11/13/12 . chapter 1
Great chapter. Near-perfect language, sentence structure and grammar. This plotline is good, grasps the reader quite well. Few hidden typos here and there, easily ignored, but still extremely good. From this, I can tell you're a seasoned writer. The idea of a doctor's journey seems quite stale, but this might show some promise. Make sure that the story doesn't hit a stand-still, like many I had met has done.
| Luckycool9 11/7/12 . chapter 1
I like how the wife automically beleives he will be on a war ship because it is the only ship most doctors worked on. I also like how the wife cries when he leaves because it proves they have a strong and stable marriage which is easy to forget about.
| Small Wings Flying 9/16/12 . chapter 1
You did mention the meaning of A.Y in one of your other footnotes, but I think you should probably footnote that here too.
["Well, it's done: Jenna, I have the money." Dr. Andras] - "Well, it's done Jenna, I have the money," Dr. Andras... is how you'd write it conventionally. You could perhaps substitute the colon for a comma instead but then there's too many commas in there. Also, since the dialogue consists of two separate clauses of sorts, I think it would work better if you wrote it as "Well, it's Done Jenna," Dr. Andras... "I have the money." It puts a bit more emphasis on the action and result.
I really do like the way you presented your dialogue though. The lack of too many speaker tags and the minimal description really highlights the uprising emotion you've got in there.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Linguistic 9/9/12 . chapter 1
I loved it. I'm intrigued. I could feel the tension in the scene. I'm hooked. I thought your portrayal of your protagonist's emotions was very -very- realistic. They were almost real people. It's fantastic. In this story, I saw a perfect blend of storytelling and worldbuilding, without the latter becoming obnoxious and redundant. I was told just enough to get me interested. Are you going to write a second chapter?
I'm only slightly bothered by (in my opinion) the complexity of some of the sentences in this, but that's your own style, so I won't berate you on that account.
| J.D. Vincent 8/27/12 . chapter 1
I like where this is going... love the writing style, and the dialogue seems realistic, which is always tricky to do. I'd love to see an update!