|Reviews for The Leviathan|
| Guest 9/15/12 . chapter 3
You have a gift. Don't give up. NEVER give up:)
| AngeloftheNorth 9/2/12 . chapter 3
Oh, this is good! Their disappearance was really unexpected:)
And now either Lark is going to *think* he is going insane or he *is* going insane, and is it because of the cloud? I feel more emotion here and I like the humour too.
'..to the point of where he only experienced three episodes of emotional elevations.' Here, do you mean that he has only been happy three times since...? or something else?
Looking forward to more:)
| AngeloftheNorth 8/29/12 . chapter 2
This is interesting:) This chapter seems like it could be the first chapter, with all the details about the crew. The first chapter left me a little confused about who’s who as they were all introduced so quickly and it was a little overwhelming, but these details were very nice, very good. I enjoyed the descriptions of the Leviathan too, the idea of the Leviathan’s Bone is very effective.
I don’t really understand why Lark is lying about what happened on the planet, the reasons you’ve given don’t seem quite enough (he couldn’t afford to, to protect Amelia, to avoid any unnecessary reactions) maybe it will all become clear!
| DawnSister 8/28/12 . chapter 1
Wow, Gabriel, this is interesting, very interesting. Of course, you know I am a Sci Fi freak, but I very rarely enjoy reading it. I much prefer to watch it.
This however, has me hooked already. I love the way you have introduced the characters, but moved the story along too.
I hope there is more to come. I'll be waiting,
| Complex Variable 8/27/12 . chapter 1
Interesting. Although, shouldn't this be in the Science Fiction category, instead of the Fantasy category?
Also, you can just say "anti-neutron" — the actual term for the anti-particle of the neutron.
Also, also—as a mathematician—I would recommend you say "Tensor calculus" (which actually) exists, instead of "nuclear calculus"—which doesn't exist, and—more importantly—which doesn't sound as awesome as "tensor calculus"
On a writing note, I would advise more descriptions of appearances of things and characters. You already have a good amount of characterization present (lark's schizoaffective disorder, David's intrepidness, etc.). For that matter, I have no idea what the Leviathan even looks like—both from the exterior, and the interior. You don't need to go all out on a description; rather, you just need to include details here and there when you describe "normal" things and actions, to impress upon your reader how your fictional reality differs and or resembles the real world. But, in the end, how you embellish is your own perogative as an author.
" "There is a name..." the man spoke weakly, "that no one can speak without feeling their heart grow cold. You cannot look into his eyes without seeing your life pass in front of your own. You cannot hear his voice without imagining your death..." "
This man is very wordy for someone "gasping as the last of his breath started to escape from his lungs." As a rule, dying people speak in short sentences—sometimes merely a few words. I would just shorten it to "There is a name" or, just have him die and then do what you already have done—reveal the name "Carter" at the end of the chapter.
Also—great names, by the way. Lark Flarebirth—wow, that's nice.
Keep it up!