|Reviews for Icon|
| TeddyBearKing1993 4/15/13 . chapter 2
nicely done. adventure and suspense in every chapter
| Gretel Snaps 2/18/13 . chapter 5
This Beth thing is very cute! I like how you make it sound alive. Prior to this the Companions and PlanPol have felt like enemies but now there's more life to the enemies, haha. :) I've read a portion of your first draft (if I can call it that) and I have to agree, I think this way of beginning the story and introducing the characters is much smoother and more understandable, though I did enjoy the first way too! Still, I think the puppy parts read a little bit non important/filler, but you probably have greater sights for the little canine that I haven't read about yet. Otherwise, I really enjoy your writing. This is not just some "doodle" thrown up in the air in hopes that someone will like it, lol. It's obvious you really like this story and I appreciate that you haven't given up on it and and also update regularly. Keep writing!
| TeddyBearKing1993 12/17/12 . chapter 1
| M. N. Nep 12/9/12 . chapter 26
I like how Michael is now literally twice the man he once was. Nothing says double duty like a little split personality! Or maybe he's just good at hiding his mania. Also, "Bishop", "Page" and "Prince" - nice motif we're getting here.
Oh yeah, Amanda/Elizabeth/Mimi also refers to Daria as Riley in Ch26. "Tiresias" is misspelt "Tiresuas" in Ch3 (I assume Tiresias is the correct version). Ch5, there's a Kazu brought up by Jamie that isn't mentioned again. I'll hazard a guess that you forgot Justin was to be mentioned in that chappie. In the same Chapter, John is Henry again, at least from Teruo's perspective. Seems like that editor I mentioned earlier doesn't deal with italics well... or, being that there's an italicized John in Ch9, the cause for Kazu may also have been the cause for Henry.
Looking at Chapter 10, perhaps Davy isn't such a good nickname for David since you have a Davy/Davey Jones (spell his name with an e?)... but having both a David and a Davey may make a problem in and of itself. I.E. Chapter 13, where I assume Dave refers to David Grey/Tank but could just as well refer to DJ/Janyu.
From the same chapter, has Bishop targeted a total of 3 kids or 3Jamie Grey? A Takato is mentioned as one of the three activated by Bishop and then Daria moves to ask about Grey, making it a little uncertain whether it was a total of 3 or 4. Since it seems PlanPol know nothing about the other two, I'll lean towards a grand total of 4, including Takato and Jamie, but having seen the FFNet version of this chapter... well. I'm also going to assume that Koushiro is truly Koushiro and isn't going to come back with a Second Name.
Time to be a grammar Nazi as well as a pretentious fool - in Ch11, Technician's second line of dialogue, "doctor's" is not how the "plural's" is called. Same with (FS) "Field's". Also, just realized that it's a little bit odd for Christian to be calling Amanda "Ama" when he presumably knows her real name.
Ch14, Justin's mother works in Shinjuku General Hospital... wow. Troy's in Turkey and Tokyo's in Japan, so that's on the other side of the world. Transmat Technology must've been the lightbulb of the Bronze Age. Later Beth also says that Jamie was "admitted to Shinjuku General hospital yesterday". Bit before that, there's a Kira Nonaka. I guessed that her Second Name might be Kitsune, but guess I guessed wrong. Huh.
Ch19, Kira talks about activating the dummy Companion near Jeri to unleash Ken's virus so that they could deal with the idiot Shibumi activated (mass infodump of unintroduced characters a bit out of style here?). As for how to deal with the destructive tendencies of hyperactive children... Rupert Murdoch would have you believe that society is leaning towards drugs as the solution. That is, a healthy dose of Ritalin or perhaps horse tranquilizer would do the trick.
Ch20, there's a hostage situation in Shinjuku Mall. Don't you just love those transmats? ...Unless Troy is what Tokyo has become after three and some ages of Western influence? Same chapter, PlanPol's hacker reports to a man named Owikawa - not too sure whether this is a mistake given the ambiguity of the situation. Ch21, Sabot is misspelt Sabet several times during the fight with the hall monitor. Ch22, Daria turns to a Talley, but no mention is made of when she turns to talk to Kelly again. Nice cameo of Hiroaki Ishida in Ch23. Wasn't sure whether this was a mistake earlier, so I didn't mention it. Still not very sure, but oh well.
Whew. That took a while to type. I probably missed some, but those are the most glaring ones I caught while skimming over. Awaiting to see what happens in Ch32.
| Guest 12/8/12 . chapter 27
Kira. Heh. Only been skipping around chapters so far since most of it is the same as on , but it looks to me like you've been using a batch text editor to manage the names. In Ch27, Elizabeth is referred to as Mimi by Malcolm twice, both times italicized. Also, in Ch23 "David" (heh, David) is referred to by Frank as Dai. Not sure whether that's intentional, but if it is, if you ask me it's an odd nickname to give a David. I'd expect a Davy or Dave or something, but not Dai... Unless David is also a nickname for some name beginning with Dai, like Daisuke.