Okay. I absolutely loved this chapter.
I'll start with how awesome and freaky Brynhild is acting. She kinda seems like she's lost her mind, and you portray that amazingly, I mean, she seems kinda crazy but not over the top. I love that she's convinced Aurelia that she's her mother. I feel like Oren thinks differently, but you didn't explicitly say, so I dunno.

I also really liked the dialogue. You got the characters down really well. It was cool that just from the dialogue, I could tell how much Oren had changed. And I already talked about Brynhild, but she was done perfectly.

I couldn't find anything wrong with this chapter-overall I think it's my favorite. This and 11 are pretty much perfect.

I'm kind of in love with this story now. Awesome work, again!

I thought it was a bit odd that you switched from Brynhild to Lisbet, considering that Lisbet's new, and if I'm correct, you didn't mention her before. So I guess I didn't like that. It was a tad jarring, considering the fact that I was just starting to get really into Brynhild.

But I did like this chapter a lot. You built the tension really well, your pacing was spot on, it was really creepy towards the end, and I thought it was awesome.

Mistake I just saw-[They slowly creped along] Pretty sure you meant creeped...

Anyway, even though I thought it was an odd time for a POV switch, you did start an engaging new storyline with Lisbet and I'm super interested in the witch.

Awesome chapter! Can't wait 'till I catch this again in the games.

I didn't like how short this prologue is. I feel as though that this could have been easily added to the next chapter or made longer with a better hook at the end.

However, I did like the descriptions you gave for everything. I wonder where did the king go. Did he go off to fight in a war? And what about the Queen? Where is she? I like that I'm having these questions in my head and that it will hopefully be answered.

Overall, this was a pretty good beginning.

I think you do a great job of providing a good sense of the characters' personality in this chapter. I found the dialogue natural for the time and the story was very easy to follow which is definitely a plus. The descriptions were concise, but detailed.

Oren is definitely a brat and it's great that you could make me feel angry at a character I've only just met. Good job!

Woah, very impressive - to perform a successful C-section in that day and age and have both the mother and child live has to be nothing short of a miracle, and a testament to Brynhild's expert efficiency as a doctor under the circumstances. Fearless when it comes right down to getting the job done. I felt like that entire scene was well handled - realistic and believable, gritty without being overly detailed.

And the final scene makes me set about my distaste for Fredrick to use her like that. She tells him straight up that she's still in love with him, but he just wants to keep her around, to force her to suffer through pandering after his kids with another woman - his official wife - and from what we know already of the future, he obviously doesn't stick strictly to keeping her around as a servant either, because he's still letting Bryn share in-the-shadows moments with him in the beginning chapters of part one. Urgh. I want to kick him in the balls.

Bryn really is a fascinating character. For all that she does eventually become twisted and horrid, it's really neat to see the fairy tale told from the eyes of the 'witch' - just a complicated, headstrong, blunt, forthright, determined, forceful woman who knows what she wants but had the misfortune of falling absolutely in love with the wrong man. At this point in the story, looking back on all that's unfolded so far, I think you've done a really impressive job weaving together all those webs and bringing everything into one package around her.

- Moonstar

Gahhh, this chapter is so sad. D:

She was over him, dangit - she'd made a life for herself, she DID THE RIGHT THING. And then fate had to drag her back into it because she couldn't turn Fredrick down. ;-; Guhhh. Okay.

I liked the opening scene. I don't think I could ever forgive someone who pulled such a morbid trick on me, either - father or not - so I can sympathize with her. In fact, that he was family and did that too her may simply have made it cut deeper, it's just...not something you can forgive, and I respected Bryn's decision to make a life for herself on her own away from everyone.

And the closing scene was so poignant and dramatic and tragic, given what the audience already knows about the future. I want to be furious with Fredrick for using her like that, but I can't be because he only wants to save his child and the woman he's fallen in love with, and I want to protect this Bryn - the one that isn't out on a murdering rampage of madness - but I can't find fault in her for caving to the man she's still clearly in love with when he begs her. So, excellent execution of dramatic build up.

- Moonstar

[Bryn had to resist the urge to cup her hand across her belly.] Ohhhh, I felt a little flip of excitement in my gut at this reveal - followed almost immedeately by a twinge of sadness and then curiosity. What a lovely twist so late in the game, but I'm concerned about what this might mean for her baby.

["Thank you." She said and the shy blush that formed on the girls faces made her laugh.] Should be: ["Thank you," she said, and the shy blush that formed on the girls' faces made her laugh.]

Interesting moment near the end when Bryn is so certain the baby is a boy, just as Aurelia was so certain hers was a boy. It makes me wonder if Bryn's, too, is a girl, but I'm still so concerned. I hope something awful doesn't happen to it.

The moment between Bryn and her father was beautifully done. One of the most touching scenes in a while despite its simplicity. It was just saturated with that hesitant, awkward, but tender and sincere emotion, and Bryn's secret, hightened state of vulnerability made her that much more in need of that kindness from him.

Oh. FUCK. That's horrible!

I was writing this review as I went along, if you couldn't tell, but Jesus, I did not see that twist coming. Very well done. Sickening, but well done. Expert execution.

- Moonstar

p.s. [When I sat down to write this chapter budgeted about four thousand words for Bryn's flashback scene, however, 15,000 words later I realized that I might have overshot that goal.] Heheheh...this is me when I try to plan anything's length, I swear. :l

[Her lips here dry.] *were

I love how eerie the opening to this chapter is - not so much because of the tone itself, but because of all these familiar things that hearken back to the earliest chapters. The pitcher of water, her feeling of sickness, the spinning wheel...all of these things - the scene where she gulps down water from the pitcher in particular - really strongly hearken back to the opening act of this story and instill a cool sense of dread in the reader's gut. Assuming you're going for that, that's a very neat trick and I think you made use of it well.

Poor Kat and Ranulf. Forbidden love - for all stripes of different reasons - seems to be a powerful reoccurring theme in this, and I appreciate the...irony (?) in the fact that Aurora's relatively innocent eyes (in terms of the ways of romance) are slowly being opened by these various secret affairs when the origins of her own birth were also a class one taboo romance. It adds a whole 'nother layer of depth and drama to the unfolding situations.

I enjoyed the scene where Brynhild goes briefly mad crying out for Aurelia. It is interesting to watch Aurora's shifting actions as the lie she's been told her entire life is chipped away at and she struggles to re-accommodate herself.

- Moonstar

This explains so much of Bryn's detachment from everyone in the castle and village. Her entire world was Frederick and when she lost him, she had nothing.
It's interesting though how much regard and confidence he actually has in her, that he knew she was the only one who could save Aurorette and deliver the baby.
And he didn't try subterfuge to get her to come back. He was very honest that he was asking her to save the woman he loved.
[Aurorette laughed, the sound high, almost like bells tinkling in the wind. "No, I did not." Frederick must have looked as if he didn't believe her so she continued. "Who am I to fault a man who cannot handle his drink?" Frederick laughed in response. "My father used to say: 'Drink wine, and you will sleep well. Sleep, and you will not sin. Avoid sin, and you will be saved. Ergo, drink wine and be saved.'"]-This paragraph should probably be broken into two. I was confused at first whose father was being quoted.
On to Part 3 of Chapter 9

Ack when I was double-checking to see what chapter I left on yesterday, I think I saw spoilers X_X I have to be careful when checking, haha! It was spoilers of like, Ch. 34 though so I have literally no idea what will happen between here and there, ahaha. Anyway, onward with 17!

In the opening convo between Oren and Aury in this chapter, I have no grounding on where the conversation is taking place. I get the little tidbit that Oren moves on his back or something - but little else to give me a good foundation up to that point. I think adding in something setting-wise at the start would be wise. Because they're alone and he rolls on his back, I want to picture that they're in some sort of meadow area or something (what Twilight has done for meadows and couples talking is forever solidified in my brain), but I'm not 100% sure about it at first. Would love more from that opening! The actual content of the dialogue/conversation is good though, and I like Aury's reflection on the grave visit.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Oren is interesting when he describes the passage with the whore and losing his virginity. There's kind of this weird moment where we get this image of masculinity as something that can't be "stopped". I'm not sure how I feel about that since it alludes to the idea that men don't have control over their urges and their actions are, as Oren puts it "out of his control". I would be wary of him if I were Aury but then Aury is naive and this is her first boyfriend. But in my opinion, any guy who claims they can't control their dick is probably not the best guy for me, ha! That might lead to some bad situations. BUT, on the other hand. I'm sure that this wasn't supposed to intend to show weird forceful animal "uncontrol" on Oren's part and is just a description of him losing his virginity, so I think I'm just using too much of my women studies mind and reading into things, lol. ANYWAY - My point is that I find the way Oren speaks of sex here very interesting, whether it was intentional or unintentional. The message lurking underneath might be a scary one.

I'm glad we get more of a direct reason for Oren's return in that scene, though. Glad to see that worked in and so honest.

During the sex scene, while I get the visuals of their body movements (well done, by the way), I was still lost on exact setting description. What did the grass feel like? Leaves? Were they in a forest setting or was it open? There might be something there you could work with as far as body positioning to - having sex on the ground can't be all that comfortable and you could probably work with this more fantastical image too (the two young wild forest-y lovers entwined in a forest/meadow like sprites, what have you).

Looking at the sex scene itself - heh, I feel weird critiquing it, but I almost think that Oren's climax wasn't built up enough to the actual line when it happens. I actually had to back-read because I missed it. I think you did a lot better with him when he was in the barn as far as the sounds he made, etc. I think once we get past the "I'm close" line it kind of loses momentum in that sense. But it was well written with the attention to body position, and I think the events leading up to it were justified and realistic. Another well done scene - but not as climactic as the first. The "smoking the cigarette in the bed after sex" scene in the last five paragraphs could've maybe slowed down a little too, and I feel as though we miss out a little on Aury's own feelings. I think it's very realistic that it's more Oren-centered and she doesn't orgasm (at least - I didn't think that she did, and I give kudos to you if she didn't), but as far as a sexual partner Oren is a little self-serving - he could've at least asked how to pleasure her at the end. Although maybe he's ignorant and doesn't know that women can be pleasured (I don't think Aury would know). Still, I was waiting for a queue there, and I think this reflects also with your plans for Oren. Is he really supposed to be her prince charming and the ideal man - or are you setting up for him to turn and perhaps become a villain or painted in a lesser light? I think what you have (with him being self-centered) is realistic insofar as it shows character flaw in him regarding sex. BUT, if that's not what you want and you would like to paint him as being the flawless prince charming - then you might want to rethink his reactions, etc. Does that make sense? Let me know if you have any more questions for me via review reply or PM and stuff, I'm finding this setup fascinating and while I like the whole scene I hope I could provide some ideas for improvement as well.

Annnd yet again I go a bit overboard for EF, ha!

Frederick was much more honorable than I'd originally thought. Bryn's earlier recollections had given the impression that he continued sleeping with her after he was married then dropped her. I like it that he's trying to do the right thing, keeping himself from both women until he's ready to do his duty.
[A young man who broad shoulders]-I think you mean with, rather than who.
You've made me feel sorry for Bryn again. She was never a nice person but she only loved one person and did so all of her life. Her father's tricking her when she thought they were having a nice moment will of course make her crazy and it explains why she was so interested in taking Aurorette's baby as her own. Your description of the abortion is nuanced and emotional.
All of that compared to the almost perfect situation that Aurora has is poignant.

[When morning came, everything about the castle seemed very calm, and serene.] - Eh, you don't need that comma right thur after "calm."

["Drink darling girl," she waited, feeling Aurelia's tiny lips suctioning on, kneading desperately with her delicate coin-sized mouth. "Drink… drink, my sweet one," the child was dissatisfied, her efforts fruitless, and she unclasped herself from Brynhild, and erupted into a steady cry of displeasure.] - Brynhild is truly in a world of her own. I love the way you have developed this sort of secret, closet madness that she has developed (or started with). She is eerily naive and dangerously ignorant, while at the same time being frighteningly callous and manipulative.

[Sighing, Brynhild said, "If you're going to be difficult," the baby wailed on, "Then you shall have no milk today! No milk until you learn that mother's must be minded!"] - Like I said, fucking crazy!

I don't entirely understand why Brynhild hates Oren so much but adores Aurelia. I also don't understand why she would mistreat the King's children when she cares so much about being with him. What if Oren told his father how psycho Brynhild acted towards him?

[Brynhild {signed} loudly, and getting up from the floor...] - I believe you meant {sighed} rather than {signed}

[Last I heard miss, half the village was dead, so I'll be leaving before the curse takes me too.] - Well damn, that spiraled out of control fast! And such an ominous end to the chapter!

Although this chapter was short I think it was one of my favorite yet. The reason being: Dialogue. You finally have a chapter with a significant amount of dialogue throughout, and look how good you are with it when you actually use it! I enjoyed the colloquialisms and nothing sounded out of place or time. I thought it was quite well done. Good Job.

"—the woman I saw yesterday before you found." [Typo]

Characters - I get the sense that Oren at the end of these feels that something is wrong by having his physical attack after seeing the decayed corpse. I like that we see that development and at least a hint of what might be happening to him, or what at least trauma has blocked out from his childhood. It's a good moment - sad, but necessary. The fact that Aurelia ends up being the one providing support for him was also nice to see, I liked her feelings of guilt towards the end I think this feels like a moment we might see her musing over in the future.

Setting - It was good to revisit the old part one haunts here. I liked the details about what Bryn told Aurelia to do to the stone marker once she died - how awful! I think it makes sense, however, given the nature of Bryn's insanity over the King and taking his wife's place. Even in death, it seems. So those developments worked in really well. I also thought overall the setting was well done in this chapter - the path to the tombs was well described and I think the corpse inside was also well described. Feels realistic. Got some chills working for sure!

Pacing - I liked this chapter because it slowed things down a bit plot-wise, I think. Or at least, what I mean is that you incorporate the plot (trying to figure out who the ghost princess is) by doing it in a way that has good pacing in this chapter. I like that they don't find any definitive evidence and don't find what they're looking for. This exploration is good. So far I think connections are being made quickly so I was glad to see that not all the connections are correct. It really makes me wonder though because Bryn didn't seem to know or narrate anything concerning a curse in the first part. Very mysterious - you have me intrigued indeed!

Relationships - Oren and Aurelia certainly have one of the more vibrant relationships of any Fictionpress story I've read in awhile. There's a lot of sexual tension there. I wonder if it might be realsed somewhat soon and I like that you have a tendency to cut to the chase about the sexual stuff - it's a good thing, I think. In this case, it makes me wonder if Oren will actually act on his impulses with Aurelia or not. I could definitely feel some tension there in the opening when all she can think about is his masturbation the night before. Realistic, I'd say. I wonder what will happen between them if she ever tells him what she saw! Intrigued to see where this might go if the "prince" gets involved that they mention - Oren has a good point about that worry, haha.

She could feel the ach and need in his voice from where she stood. [Typo]

Well, haha, I suppose I'll start this review the same way everyone else has started their review for this chapter - voicing my opinion about the masturbation scene, XD. I also liked it. I agree with Sica (Dr. Self Destruct) and her opinion on the whole scene about the display of reactions you've given Aurelia during her watching Oren. This was a fun moment. The descriptions were handled well and the reactions of both of them were realistic. I like that their relationship pushes the envelope as far as what's decent and not decent, and I agree with Tooth (Moonstar) that it brings up a good conflict in the reader about what is appropriate if the two don't even know their true relationship as brother and sister. Anyway - it was handled well. I liked the boldness of this, it was unexpected and I do like that it parallels with Bryn's watching of Fred and his wife in the first part. There's something to this story about the female gaze, I think.

I think the masturbation scene was the strongest scene in this chapter. The scene with the fighting at the beginning fell flat for me and I didn't like it as much. I thought the argument was a little bare boned in the writing-style and I missed some of the descriptiveness that you can usually add to a scene. Bryn especially feels a little too archetypal for me here, her argument one that seems basic and without a lot of logic, plus she's repeating a lot of the same points she brought up in the previous chapters. I'd like to see more variety there. She started out as a very dynamic character but I think she's basically been placed back into a stock foundation.

But overall - I liked this chapter more than the other one for sure ;D You handle sexuality really well - I'm jealous of the talent!

"Aury, I'm sorry" he reached... [Typo]

Character - I don't really like Aury as a character - I find her hard to relate to and a little too dreamy as far as what we expect princesses to sound and act like and think about. I found Oren occupying most of her thoughts a little disappointing in the beginning of the chapter, and though I agree that it's good she's naive in a sense because of her youth, I'm surprised Bryn raised her to be so archetypal and almost...too naive? I don't know - when I look at retellings, I'm not really asking for you to pull a full twist and create a character like the princess from Brave or anything, BUT I feel that as a character in a retelling of this fairy tale, Aury appears stuck in the same princess mode, and her thoughts and actions are kind of annoying (personally, lol). But I'm hoping perhaps as the story continues, she'll also grow up a bit, and I look forward to that.

Relationships - I like that you explain her relationship with Oren a little better in this chapter, at least kind of mentioning that the infatuation is one sided. Which is actually kind of just sad and I wish that Oren wouldn't lead her on or at least she would find some sort of fault in him. I suppose that's hard to do when he's the only man she's ever met. It's interesting she doesn't harbor any dreams of leaving the castle though - she seems to want to know about what Oren experienced at the village, but makes little comment on the idea of joining him and leaving with him together. At any rate, this chapter definitely showed their relationship in its developments and I liked that.

Pacing - This chapter was a bit weird in its pacing. I didn't expect Oren to come back so quickly and the moment with the vision was a little hurried and unclear. It could've used better language to convey the vision, I think, and I'm not sure I agree with the mysterious woman's reactions to Aury's questions. It seemed a bit odd - though in part that's probably because she mysteriously might be a vision, haha! I just mean, it felt a little rushed - especially when Oren showed up and conveniently already has heard a story about "sleeping beauty". I found that a little too convenient for my tastes and would've liked more time to get to know the characters before this kind of bombshell is dropped and we're already accusing Bryn of being a witch. The end of this chapter especially could've been slowed down and crafted with a little more measure.

Plot - The vision of the woman intrigues me and I think it's interesting that Aury so suddenly makes the connection between what she literally just saw (realizing it's a vision in the first place) and the story she's just told. The woman's appearance to the proximity of the story is another moment of convenience I'm not sure I like either, but it at least forwards the plot and I think that's a good thing. I'm curious to see if the story is referring to Aury's birth mother or not - if so, this could turn into an interesting retelling indeed! I like that you keep us on our toes. Since the plot seems to be taking off so quickly (it's only the first chapter!) it leaves me to wonder what the rest of this novel is about. I'm eager to find out!