|Reviews for To Sleep Perchance to Dream|
| TawneyEverett 3/7/13 . chapter 2
I really like the concept of the story, a retelling of Snow White. All the royalty and the names of the characters make it a challenging read, but this is part of your story and I do appreciate your writing style. What I found most interesting in this 1st chapter is the affair that is going on between the king and Byrnhild. I wanted to know more about it. You probably have done this in the following chapters but if not I would definitely elaborate on this story line. Hope this is somewhat helpful! Great work.
| lookingwest 3/7/13 . chapter 12
Cool decision to show us a different perspective than Byrn's (have I been calling her Bryn in other chapters? oops! D:). Anyway - I think this perspective is unique and it also makes me wonder if Lisbet and Gesine will come into play in the later parts of this novel or not. I like Lisbet as a character - she's a lot different than Byrn's lifestyle and perspective and it was a nice change of pace to see this chaos happen from someone looking in from the outside. Byrn is crazy as ever in this chapter - it makes me wonder why or how Libset kept calling her "the witch" - like how did she know she was a witch right away? Makes me wonder if everyone has always known that Byrn is a witch. If so - why didn't anyone say anything? That was a little odd that if everyone knew she would get away with so much. But perhaps it was just a realization that Lisbet put on her when she started taking the king's body away. And also maybe it was just a woman's rumor of some sort.
The whole scene with Sarpedon was sad but effective to show how far Byrn has cracked. At the same time - it also showed us that she realizes the king is dead and he won't be coming back. So that's progress, I guess. The battle-armor breast piece was a cool image. I want really bad to like Byrn but she's done some terrible things to people and for that reason I can't like her completely - but she's a conflicted villain, I think. Let's see - this epilogue really made me wonder what might happen to the king's children. I'm guessing she doesn't kill them since there's still a lot of story and I doubt this story is all about Byrn, but I think it's realistic that Lisbet wouldn't think of them as she's trying to get out of the kingdom. Hopefully they lived at the end. Overall though, this was another good addition to the story! Looking forward to the next part of this novel and what changes await!
| Guest 3/6/13 . chapter 33
[glower of her new found daylight;]-I love this phrase. It perfectly describes her unhappy enlightenment.
[Her lips here dry]-That should be were, I think.
[the sky turned pick with dawn]-pink
I like that you have an attraction between Katrina and Dirk. That eliminates the possibility of a triangle between Aurora, Kaspar and Dirk or Aurora, Kaspar and Katrina. It was a pleasant surprise from what someone else might have written.
It's funny that Aurelia has been mentioned by the people of the kingdom but not Oren. The poor guy has been forgotten in every way possible. I wonder if Aurora would still be a possible bride for the future king if someone does figure out that she's the product of incest.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
| Infected Beliefs 3/5/13 . chapter 8
[...its ghoulish light looked to be overflowing from the edges of its bovine circumference.] - I really enjoy this sentence, it flows magnificently off the tongue.
I like how you depict Brynhild's descent further and further into madness. Each little thing just seems to pick away at her sanity, driving her deeper and deeper into the "Evil-Witch" archetype. She is getting sloppier and sloppier with her work. It is really interesting to see that, though she may be playing the villain role, she is not one of these 'bad' evil-genius characters who's plans go perfect and unmolested. She struggles, as you or I would, has setbacks, doubts, and mishaps. She seems a "real" character.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Great chapter. I only question how much of this crushed leaf she would need to poison the entire well. While the amount she put in would undoubtedly be quite fatal and/or toxic to most, but is it enough not to be diluted too much by the well? It is your poison, you know best.
I still am missing dialogue, and no, Brynhild talking to herself does not count. I miss banter, chatter, a little bit of back and forth. Right now I get the distinct impression that I am reading an elegant prose poem, which I have no issue doing, but most prose poems are not thirty two chapters long (and counting).
Well, those are my thoughts on this chapter.
Tata until the next!
| Anihyr Moonstar 3/5/13 . chapter 31
I like that Kaspar is being kind about it but persistently dropping those hints to Aurora about her lineage, challenging her notion that Bryn is her mother. Her (Aurora's) innocence about sex and (by default) how children are concieved and born puts a crimp in how fast that's going to all sink in, but the fact that it's upsetting to her shows that she knows the pieces don't add up. I just hope, again, that things pull together before it's too late and Bryn doesn't get the chance to ruin one final generation of this family before she dies.
My favorite scene this chapter was Aurora stepping up to the plate and taking charge in crisis when it came down to stitching up Kaspar and saving him. The whole "gentle tempered woman becomes instantly strong in a medical crisis" thing has been done a lot across the generes, but I think it's appropriate here and fits for Aurora. Though she is a sweet girl and innocent in certain things, she's certainly no stranger to hardship and it makes sense that this is one of the areas she'd be versed in.
The "I love you" from the prince felt a little awkward to me, but it reminded me of fairy-tale romance, so I suppose that fits with the theme of this in some ways. It wasn't terribly out of place, but I know if it were me instead of Aurora, I would have been like, "What? Dude, you just met me." (Which is why I don't belong in fantasy/fairy tale romances, but hey.)
I'm anxious to read the closing chapters since (I suspect at least) this is the final "part". Looking forward to see how you wrap it all up and, as always, fingers are crossed for a happy ending.
| Dr. Self Destruct 3/5/13 . chapter 26
Setting: I really like your use of setting in the beginning of this chapter. They way you go back and describe a few familiar things from the previous Part Two, like the barn and the thorn bushes, really helps show how not only the characters are evolving throughout this, but the scenery as well. The attention you pay to the barn and how it's now collapsed is particularly haunting, and I'm wondering if Brynhild did this on purpose in order to help her forget the horrible memories of that place. Or if maybe the lingering spirits of Aurelia and Oren had a hand to play in that.
Scene: The scene where Aurora is talking to the huntsman and she notices his children are incredibly thin is very chilling. This also makes me wonder if there's some type of curse placed on this land because of what happened to Aurelia, especially near the end with Aurora encounters the Prince and learns about the army approaching. I also like how this scene of Aurora interacting with the huntsman and his children because it shows a lot about the relationship between them, like how she reads stories to his children.
Characters: The Prince really intrigues me. I'll admit, the way he acted when he first saw Aurora was a bit creepy, and I don't blame her for not trusting him and backing away when she did. I'll be interested to see more of him and learn if he really does end up being some type of Prince that saves the princess who's been sleeping for a hundred years. Also, I think the use of his character does a good job pushing the plot forward.
Plot: And speaking of plot, now I have a lot of questions, haha. But that's not a bad thing, it's definitely a good thing, because they're questions that I want to keep reading to hopefully see answered. Like why would the Prince take so much effort into finding this witch and slaying her? Is it really just for the promise of marrying the princess, or is this "curse" affecting his lands as well? And who exactly is the princess? Aurora isn't asleep nor has she slept for a hundred years (yet, anyway), so could it still be her? And is Brynhild the witch? Sorry, I don't expect you to answer these, I'm just rambling and letting you know what's going through my mind once getting to the end of this, just to make sure they're questions you want the reader to be asking at this point. Either way, I can't wait to see some answers.
| professional griefer 3/4/13 . chapter 11
I really loved how you showed Brynhild's love for Frederick. I mean, you've obviously mentioned it before, but in this chapter you really let Brynhild's actions speak for themselves. I could feel how much she wanted him to live and how much she wanted him.
I also loved how you showed her desire for him when she pretended to be Aurorette. It was kind of sick and twisted, and that was pretty perfect.
Actually this whole chapter had a really creepy undertone, I really appreciated it. I thought you definitely showed how Brynhild was losing it, that she did what she did with Frederick. It was borderline necrophilia, but you made it work really well.
I loved this chapter, I couldn't find anything really wrong with it.
| Dr. Self Destruct 3/4/13 . chapter 25
Opening: I think this opening scene of Aurora using the spinning wheel is a nice, calm opening to the next part of the story. While normally something like this would probably bore me, considering I don't really care much about spinning wool, for some reason I found the descriptions of her using the wheel very enjoyable and interesting. I think it's because you don't spend too much time or linger on it too long to slow down the pace, and you create a very vivid image with how she runs her hands through the wool and sews it together. So great job on that, I really like this opening.
Characters: It's always interesting to see how Brynhild has changed from each time jump to the next. Seeing her so frail on the floor is strange, considering what I know she's capable of. I like that inclusion of how she calls out for Frederick while she's dreaming, because it shows that she hasn't yet forgotten about that part of her past. I'm looking forward to seeing some more action out of her in coming chapters just so I can compare and contrast how her life with Aurora might have changed her.
Relationships: Even though Brynhild is asleep for this entire prologue, I like how you're able to develop the relationship between Aurora and Brynhild through Aurora's perspective. Aurora's worry for her "mother" shows that Brynhild must be somewhat decent to her, or I imagine Aurora wouldn't be so concerned with getting her mother to eat something. It's a well used character foil that definitely serves it's purpose; I find myself almost feeling sorry for Brynhild, as ridiculous as that might seem. Maybe I'm just worried about Brynhild for Aurora's sake.
Ending: I like the mention of the huntsman at the end of the chapter because it references directly to what I remember of Sleeping Beauty. I don't really know all that much about the older tellings of Sleeping Beauty (you know, before the Disney stuff, haha), and I've been wondering when we were going to get to those parts that I'm familiar with. I'm really interested to see what type of role the huntsman is going to play; it's been so long since I've seen anything Sleeping Beauty related, so this is all still kinda new to me story-wise.
| alyxbee 3/4/13 . chapter 1
I like the descriptions, and especially the piece about the herbs and vegetables that she is collecting and where they are all going, and why little things are being done in preparation. It lets me sort of sink into the story and really get a feel for whats going on.
This did leave me with questions, but in the good way. I want to know more about the little princess, where the king was, and that sort of thing. I wish I had a little more glimpse into the party and the soldiers, but otherwise this is really good. :)
| Anihyr Moonstar 3/3/13 . chapter 30
I really like the progression of the relationship between Aurora and the prince that you handle in the first half of this chapter. They're both so shy and subtly awkward, but obviously intensely interested in each other, and I admire the fact that you manage to make them maintain so much chemistry without forcing it or without even giving us all that many details. I can just feel it between them as I read.
It makes me, again, really hope for the best between them even though this story has been trying to teach me from the get go (I swear) not to get invested in true love because it's going to be ripped apart by horrible evil. (Or simply poor circumstances, as with Bryn and Fredrick.)
I especially liked both the scene where Aurora spoke with Dirk - her observations about him beforehand and then his consoling words when the topic of their conversation turned to her and the prince - and then the scene about the Edelweiss. I thought the flower scene in particular was lovely - brief, and yet intimate in a subtle way that felt very appropriate for Aurora and Kaspar's stage of romantic development.
I also really thought you handled the transition from Bryn's sick-hazy imaginings into a full on flashback was very smooth. I was impressed there. And I like how you're still managing to make her sympathetic, at least in her more innocent stages, even if I still hate her for all I know she'll grow to do. She's a wonderfully complex 'villain' because her emotions are so very real and palpatable. The reader *wants* to sympathize with her for all she's been through.
So, I think you do a great job on that front. I'll quit rambling for now. :]
| handna95 3/3/13 . chapter 5
Wow, just wow. This is certainly an interesting story. Granted I haven't read the entire story, but I'm willing to bet that it will only get better.
The characters: Brynhild is just an amazing character because she has good intentions at heart, but also contains such a darkness in her. She has faults, wants, and needs. She also isn't the nefarious villain that strokes a cat and has a complex plan. You crafted a very "human" character that people can relate with.
Frederick seems to be the type of guy that has an interesting and colorful past that he is trying to atone for. That was just my take on it, but I think that he is a character that has many layers. It is not apparent right away what his moral code is like or what his thoughts are.
Aurorette is probably my favorite so far. She seems like the nice mom/ ruler that cares about everyone. While her character is not transparent, she is also not a great mystery to be unraveled. I like that you added a benevolent character because it really enriches the story and makes the myriad of personalities more realistic.
Spelling/Grammar: There were some parts of your grammar that could be cleaned up a little bit, but overall you did a fairly good job. I did notice in something in Chapter 4 maybe. I'm sorry I didn't catch the exact chapter, but I did find a flub.
"Brynhild, will you please follow me back to the castle, I want to change before the evening meal?"
Put the question mark after castle and create a new sentence with "I want to change"
Plot: The plot of the ex-girlfriend trying to rekindle her old flame is one that has been revamped many times, but I personally don't remember that plot ever being thrown into an older time period. In my mind, medieval couples were very faithful and in love. They did not have to worry about those types of problems because of arranged marriages or because love conquered all. Your use of this plot in the setting you've chosen, creates a new fresh twist. Will the ex ruin everyone's lives or will she redeem herself? I don't know what will happen because the setting creates a whole new set of rules to be followed.
Scene: The physical scenes were something that you carried out very well. It was all very classy and nothing was too explicit. I liked how you did that because often times, sex scenes close your story off to a whole age group of readers.
I hope all goes well with this story. Happy writing!
| Daisy215 3/2/13 . chapter 1
I liked this because of the comparisons you used. Specifically the ones like comparing the eyelids to moth lids. It's always refreshing to see comparisons that aren't cliches or ones that have been used before.
I also liked most of the description. It made the story seem enchanting, the part about the snake-like ranks or the kitchen boys cooking the meat.
I didn't like that Brynhild wasn't really introduced. I felt the paragraph describing what she was doing was a bit too much detail, I would have liked to get a sense of her character more.
Hopefully I'll get the opportunity to review your story more! (Maybe catch a read now and then for fun between home work)
| RemnantsOfSyreal 3/1/13 . chapter 4
Writing - "Aurorette put the glass to her lips, but she stopped herself from drinking when she heard the sound of yelling from outside in the corridor." Classic plot device, I freaking love it. Callbacks can be overdone in a lot of cases, but that one is a good one. The image it gives is crystal clear.
Dialogue - the Queen's lines read a bit like a stuffy old aristocratic inflection, but I think in this case it serves your story quite well. It does a good job of delineating between the voices of both ladies, in a manner that's easy to pick up on. Bravissimo.
Opening - Ahhhhh, now that I love. Fantastic job of painting Brynhild as a villian, and subtly done. It also provides an immediate image of a scene such as that one from a film.
Characters - well played here, the two primary ones we've seen thus far all ready have some depth to them, that should make for some interesting material farther down the line. The scheming once-mistress taking her revenge on the, in her eyes, simpering slip of a girl that -her- man took up with. I buy it, I'll admit. It's a trope that is older than dirt, but as they say, Tropes Are Not Bad. I like it.
All in all I've enjoyed what I've read so far, and I'm looking forward to seeing some more of your stuff in the forums. Keep at it! :)
| RemnantsOfSyreal 3/1/13 . chapter 3
Writing - this line right here. "Her customary pitcher of mead waiting to be poured into the goblet she would sip from as soon as the baby fell back asleep." It reads a bit funny in the context of the rest of the narrative around it. A single 'was' between mead and waiting would probably clean that up, or a 'lay', or even 'sat'. And this one - "Will you go down to meal this morning, majesty?" Brynhild asked her. Also reads a bit funny. Will you be going down to meal today would make a reasonable substitution if you're interested. Either way it's a judgment call.
Relationships - I like the conflict Brynhild feels towards the Queen, that smacks of reality. She's grown to like her despite herself, despite the fact that she can't really bear to look at the woman with anything other than contempt.
Spelling and grammar - one thing, overtime. Two words. Again, revisionary magic and that practically takes care of itself.
Pace - so far the pace is rather solid. The story is moving smoothly and flowing from one chapter to the next, which makes the reading smoother by association. And we all know smoothness doth a good read make ;)
Enjoyment - reasonably well. With the story moving nicely and a few characters getting a little bit of color right off the bat, it makes for an entertaining read through.
| RemnantsOfSyreal 3/1/13 . chapter 2
Writing - the writing in this chapter seems a touch inconsistent and more than a bit melodramatic. I'm not quite sure what role Brynhild plays so far, as it looks like she is simply wandering around from place to place.
Characters - not terribly fond of Brynhild so far (because no means no, even when said to women). If I read your summary right, she appears to be a villain. If so, then this actually works pretty well as a bit of foreshadowing, so kudos there.
-oh, and the King? Slapping her just so? I realize she was doing something against his will, but that seemed a bit excessive. Granted, attempted rape is pretty vile, so I suppose I could forgive him that, were he someone in my life. Either way it does go towards adding a bit of complexity, something which is always good, so there's that.
Dialogue - I'll admit, I got a bit hung up on that. Some of it seems, if you'll pardon my opinion, stilted or overwrought. "Never again!" he warned, "if you persist in this, you will be sent away, never to return here!" Does not read too well, as least in my eyes. That is probably just a bit for any revisionary magic to deal with later on, though. So far the rest of the dialogue is quite easy to identify with, and I know how difficult that can be.
Ending - now you've got my attention. She looks like she is gearing up to do something rather rash, and that is the kind of thing that makes you want to keep reading. It was well written and managed to say a lot in a few words, at least in my head.
-a brief other note about the writing. "Brynhild watched the blackness of night spread across the sky, the moon was hidden, and no stars broke though." Spelling error on that last one, easy fix. The way the rest of it reads? Odd. Wouldn't "Brynhild watched the blackness of night spread across the sky - the moon was hidden, and no stars broke through."? You could even substitute a period between sky and the, if you wanted to, either would certainly work.