|Reviews for Beyond|
| alltheeagles 4/27/13 . chapter 21
I want to take stoopid stoopid Natalie by her hair and shake her till her eyes rattle around in her pretty little vacant head. What I think of evil Scorpio? He rocks! Are you gonna kill him off? Cause good has to triumph over evil and all that?
Anyway... Something big is in store for Moark, isn't there? And Kote's back, yay!
| Guest 4/26/13 . chapter 18
Just had an afterthought: Sage is the traitor! She almost fits Aquarius behavior pattern, ans he would never suspect her because he loves her.
| Guest 4/26/13 . chapter 18
I think its Virgo! I'm probably wrong, because it would be a lot more interesting for Scorpio to be the traitor. Now I am going to read the next chapter immediately. I am getting addicted, this story is really good!
| Guest 4/23/13 . chapter 1
I really enjoyed reading this chapter. Your have a light writing style, with short, understandable sentences and a good balance between dialog and scene descriptions, even in the first chapter. I haven't found any grammatical errors yet, but I will surely continue reading and review if I find any. You deserve more reviews!
| Avery Belle Ware 4/7/13 . chapter 20
I hate that it's come to this! Poor #1! I know the Scorp I know and love is still in there!
And what is Leo planning? I mayself am a Leo and like his character, but I hope he's not planning to use her!
| alltheeagles 4/6/13 . chapter 20
I sympathise with the writing difficulties, going through that myself right now. On the other hand, I finally caught up. Yay, me!
I don't know who I'm rooting for anymore! Probably Kote. Can I root for Aquarius? Cause apart from his potty mouth, I rather like his style. Definitely NOT Natalie... sorry, she just doesn't strike a chord with me. But maybe I'll like the new, dark, revenge-obssessed Natalie better. Just a niggling doubt: Why does Natalie blame Scorpio solely for Virgo's and Libra's death and not see her own part in the tragedy?
I think you did a good job with evil Scorpio. I might even like him even better than good Scorpio. But I'm strange that way - I find dark, flawed characters much more interesting than straightforwardly good, noble ones. Ah... so THAT's why I don't dig goody-two-shoes Natalie.
By the way, whatever's happened to Moark and co.?
And as always, a few editing points:
1) but only now HAD she noticed it.
2) 'Their deaths didn't hurt, compared to the fact that they'd been by Scorpio's hand.' sounds not quite right to me. I'd suggest "The reality of their deaths didn't hurt as much as the fact that it was Scorpio who had killed them."
3) was AN unspoken taboo
4) 'I don't know if can do that' is missing an "I"
5) it was revenge THAT drove
6) And lastly, a nitpicky one - "leaving the Stars thousands of years from now defenseless" is a bit hard to understand at first read. I'd say 'leaving defenceless the Stars who were to follow them' or something like that
| alltheeagles 4/6/13 . chapter 19
I REALLY like this line: "If it was possible to stick your nose up in the air while lying down, she was doing it." Made me laugh out loud.
In spite of what I said in the previous chapter about not wanting to guess the traitor, I did start to suspect Scorpio from chapter 15 onward after that encounter with the Shadows that asked him all those leading questions. That was when I wanted to switch teams, haha. Was that deliberately put there as a clue? And the bit where Libra said he's hiding something, that was a clue too, right? As well as the losing of his authority and all that. Good job sustaining the consistency of that over several chapters.
Natalie is like a classic case of 'love is blind', which frankly, doesn't really endear her to me. So if she dies... I probably won't be very upset. Mwahahahaha... But the whole 'can't you see that he's changed?' scenario did make me think, hmmm, can I write a story where the girl knows full well that the guy she loves is a traitor/evil person and decides to kill him even though that would (figuratively) kill her too?
| alltheeagles 4/5/13 . chapter 18
I've never been good with mysteries. So I'm not even going to TRY to guess the traitor. I don't think it's Aquarius though, unless he has a split personality that is each unaware of the other and one personality is analysing the moves of the other. Maybe... it's the twelfth star? The one that hasn't made an appearance yet, er, Aries?
1) A bit nitpicky, this one - but I'd say, "Then we can START considerING THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS IS a problem from outside."
2) dancing IN/WITHIN Aquarius's eyes
3) its gaze nailed her (no 'on') - actually, I'm not quite sure who the 'her' that's being referred to here. Is it supposed to be Pisces?
4) 'as if hanging from her answer' sounds strange somehow... hanging ON TO her answer?
5) make much progress (cancel 'of a')
| Anybodythere 4/5/13 . chapter 20
HAHAHA! I always rooted for Leo, I knew Scorpio was evil! MWAHAHA! I know this is supposed to be a sad chapter, but it made me happy. Awesome story, update again soon!
| alltheeagles 4/5/13 . chapter 17
| alltheeagles 3/22/13 . chapter 16
The plot thickens. Kote is starting to intrigue me. Maybe I should switch to Team Kote now that Team Leo and Team Scorpio are falling apart. Minor gripe: I know you need a way of giving background info on Sumger, but it was nevertheless rather odd to have Moark give all those facts, especially the history, given that he's a lowly (uneducated?) servant. Such a 'lecture' seems more characteristic of Sir Jonas.
Editing suggestions, as usual:
1) I would say, 'the LESS you know, the better' rather than the "least you know, the better"
2) arrived IN Pent
| alltheeagles 3/14/13 . chapter 15
Hmm... looks like I might have to join Team Leo now... It's all your fault! YOU made him go over to the Dark Side. Glares at Natalie
I can't help it, I know she's the heroine but I need someone to project my disappointment onto. Down with Natalie the temptress!
Pardon the silliness... I'm really getting into the story. Still can't get used to the modern cuss words though.
| alltheeagles 3/14/13 . chapter 14
Natalie, Natalie... what did you do to deserve two hunky guys fighting over you? The triangle is developing solidly. I'm not good at this kind of confrontational and rivalry thing, which is mainly why I killed Spooky off.
A few minor editing points:
1) It was his heart THAT clenched
2) he'd HAVE drunk too much to know
| alltheeagles 3/14/13 . chapter 12
I thought I was rooting for Scorpio, but now I'm starting to feel sympathetic towards Leo. I don't understand myself, haha.
The usual suggestions:
1) she 'ventured' rather than 'adventured'
2) is it 'circumspection' or 'introspection'?
| Rail Strong 3/12/13 . chapter 19
Oh no...Gosh. This by far is the most saddest chapter. Scorpio...the traitor...Virgo...Libra...Dead...