|Reviews for Untold|
| DarkAngelGal 9/8/12 . chapter 1
Whoa...it seems way too rushed! Also tht first paragraph should'nt have been in there...it sounds you're trying too hard to make the story interesting when it's not...so far. I think you should of started with the "My name is.." thing and work off from there. Anyway, this looks like it can have the potential to be a good story! Your story having "Angels" is what drew me in! (see username).
Anyway, keep on improving!
| Anxious Axolotl 9/8/12 . chapter 1
I think you have some very interesting ideas going on in this and I hope you write longer chapters so the plot can really get going. There's not much I can say about the plot so far, I do have a few (mostly grammatical) corrections. I'll make a list so you can easily find them if you choose to re-edit:
[Til this day] I think the saying is 'To this day'
[My genes consist of vampire, werewolf, and witch. I got my vampire from my father, werewolf from my mother, and witch from my grandmother, my brother is a vampire and my sister is a werewolf.] Is she the only hybrid? How comes her brother and sister aren't?
[Lincoln high school home of the tigers.] Literally the home of the tigers? or is that the name of a team?
[ im fifteen years old,] [ Im different], [im a hybrid] Don't forget the apostrophe and capital I in 'I'm'
I also felt a uneasy about the huge difference in style between the first paragraph, second and last two paragraphs. It starts off her talking about her day, then goes into and introduction and then jumps to Monday (If you're going to label the Monday, I think you need to label what day this starts on too) and what she does on Monday.
Hope you update soon, interested to see what the plot is and how all the different elements of witches, gods, etc are part of it!