So, um, White Star, your story is good! Actually it's great, but the last chapters lack that sense of mystery/darkness I felt in the very start, wonder if it's gonna continue this way. Those first chapters were haunting, really, in a good way. I'll keep reading!

lolz i love this chapter _

They plot's pretty cool and Seere's such a mystery. I keep pronouncing his name like Siri or Cee-re. How do you pronounce his name?

The prologue really pulled me in but I think your dialogue from the beginning chapters (1 & 2 I think) need some work. You're really good at description so adding that in with the dialogue would really make it stand out more. Also when describing stuff, use other senses like touch and smell. It is first person point of view so you can go in and add her thoughts and opinions even if you don't think it might be relevant to the story. It just opens up Sierra and let's us readers get into her head. I do notice the dialogue towards the chapters in the end, including this one, do improve so keep it up!

It's a nice story and I like the chapter about her nightmare. It was very vivid.

O.O oh gursh please oh please write more ! _

I liked the "Romeo and Juliet" exchange :)

... PLEASE WRITE MORE! i absolutely LOVE it totally amazing XP

Nice start. The emotional imagery is well played.

Another great chapter!

love it _ amazing, really !

I don't think it is weird. I am enjoying it actually.

This is really good and well written! I'm very intrigued and hope you write more soon!

You've really amped up the mystery! I really enjoyed the "dream" ... if it was a dream ;)

Awesome!

I really like Sierra so far. Not so sure about Seere, though.

You've done a great job with your descriptions.

Update soon!