|Reviews for Take a second to breathe|
| Ink Flows Into Power 10/21/12 . chapter 3
Once again, I enjoyed this chapter and I hope that one day I will have one long enough to properly sink my teeth into! Anyway, I liked the whole sibling love kind of thing - its all too easy to put rivalry in high fantasy stories
The more this story develops, the more I am intrigued by the completely different tone of writing that is evident - one second it's in a school like setting, and the next, a princess in a tough situation...keep it up!
| Ink Flows Into Power 10/14/12 . chapter 2
Again, the chapters thing (from now I shall not discuss it as I don't want you getting annoyed at me). The shortness of the chapters makes it very difficult to make much of a judgement on the quality of your writing.
Despite this, I can say that I am impressed by how seamlessly the story flows from the palace of the last chapter to the school in the second. I enjoyed the development of Kaira as a no-nonsense hidden strength lady!
I did spot a simple grammar mistake - just an odd sentence. "She'd made a mistake again, she couldn't afford to do this again.". Two of the same word in a single sentence kind of disrupts the flow of reading.
Other than that the chapter was well-written and congratulations!
| Ink Flows Into Power 10/14/12 . chapter 1
An excellent start - it draws me in to read more of this developing story. I loved the introduction of the characters as you did not precisely show their psyches, nor did you come right out and say it. We are left to suspect the future development and this intrigues me greatly.
I also enjoyed the descriptions of the setting and the subtle mentions of the culture of the islands.
Unfortunately, I have got a couple of complaints. First and foremost, it is way too short (even for a prologue). When I initially saw this story, I checked the number of words and chapters and your story comes out at roughly 500 per chapter. The real reason I disagree with this approach is that it tends to make stories feel disjointed and it can get really irritating to have to read the short chapters! That said, the topic of the story was very good to make me go against my norm of only reading long chapters so well done on that account.
The only other real qualm I have is that the italicised text is confusing and can be difficult to read. I understand that you were going for a tone of memory by this technique (I think). However, I am afraid that such a big block of italics tends to be tough to get through. I would suggest that it is a flashback and use normal script so as to make it more readable. Having said that, that may be my personal quirk.
Well done on creating an intriguing and great first chapter and I am eager to read the rest!