|Reviews for My Supernatural Life|
| candrelaria 5/16/13 . chapter 14
you need to correct this "Cameron was up (in should be on) his feet and by my side just in time to catch me yet again" and these "So, how long have you known? Cameron asked, anger or annoyance lingered in his voice." needs quotes, "I don't know whether to get up and ready to fight again or just sit here with my throbbing head while the room spins." it needs something after the "and", "(we use to be like brothers, what happened?)" this one needs quotes at the end because he's talking. I think theres more but I'm running out of time cause class is almost over so i will look at it again later.
| rismor 1/31/13 . chapter 2
you forgot a quotation after "i dont know, i got mad..." etc.
| Anxious Axolotl 9/17/12 . chapter 1
I am a big sucker for stories that begin with exciting dialogue and this seemed very interesting. I was a little confused by the line, ["No we are not Alex, we have five minutes." "Bayli what's wrong? You've been acting strange lately"], how was Bayli being strange by saying they weren't going to be late? Maybe if she snapped at him rudely and unprovoked, it be fair to say she is acting odd, especially because she starts snapping at him after that part of the conversation. Other than that, I found the dialogue very good and I got a good feel for the characters.
[six (6)], [eight (8)] I'm not sure why you felt it necessary to put the number in as well as the spelled out word, it's perfectly clear without the number. All number under 20 should be written out long hand because it tends to look more polished.
[ I saw Alex's face then a door blow up] I didn't understand this line or the significance of the door blowing up. Did it literally explode? What happened to it and why is no one else taking notice of it?
Overall, this was interesting and I'm curious to see how Bayli's abilities help/hinder her both in school life and in saving/destroying the world and I thought you showed a good balance between her school life and her other problems. Other than the minor things I pointed out above, the only other thing I thought could be improved on was the lack of description. What does the school look like? What kind of school is it? What do the characters look like? You don't need paragraphs of description, but a few adjectives and adverbs can go a long way.