It leaves me wanting to read on to figure out what in the world is happening. I'm not sure you need to break that up, otherwise it's just one-sentence paragraphs. Maybe describe the scene just a little bit. I like to add a whole bunch of detail and then delete what isn't absolutely necessary to give a general idea and still a sense of mystery to the surrounding areas. A few minor punctuation errors and typos, (ever-growing, "...into the frozen night, devouring all that it touches." and "...below her lonely face.") but as short as it is, it's gripping.

Awesome! All the fantasy, all the darkness...and I love your poem (*V*) I shall follow this story.