|Reviews for Portraits in antiquewhite via your frostbitten lip|
| Small Wings Flying 9/18/12 . chapter 1
I think your title and first line should have a page break as opposed to a line break. Otherwise, the bolding of the first line looks rather odd.
[paint your picture in verse,
wait for the future to unravel
like words,] - this is my favourite bit. I love this stanza because it has a really beautiful rhythm about it (not that your other stanzas dont - with a couple of exceptions) - but this one just rings in my mind like wind-chimes. Really beautiful.
[the poem is
just one word
after another.] - clever structure there. Really emphasises the "just"
[we are spooned,
in the humid sections of
our fuzzy minds,] - I don't quite like this stanza though because I feel it breaks the rhythm. The first stanza a little well, but that can be more easily overlooked because the rhythm hasn't been set by that point. "fuzzy" feels too firm with the hard "zz" sound, and "slumber heavy" lacks a sense of eloquence the rest of your poem contains.
I also think the meaning gets devoured a tad in the length; you could have made it a little shorter but still kept most of the imagery, and it would come together better. Right now, I have a little trouble seeing the relationship between the beginning and the end.