|Reviews for Praeteritus|
| earthserpent 10/28/12 . chapter 7
:O Wooooooo! love it love it love it. keep going keep going keep going. :)
| Guest 10/28/12 . chapter 7
I honestly don't know if I have anything left to say that I haven't said yet. :)) Also, no, I could not tell that something exciting is about to happen. XP
| earthserpent 10/24/12 . chapter 6
lovely keep going.
| L Lawliet 10/21/12 . chapter 6
It's nice to know that you finally have a beta. Haha. Well... Grammatical mistakes aside, what I really wish you would work on some more would be the scene-to-scene flow. I find that the flow within scenes is good enough, but your transitions between scenes are a little awkward. I think I've mentioned this before, actually, so pardon me if I sound repetitive.
Anyhow. Yun. Work on transitions so things don't seem too awkward. Also, your pronoun usage. Like I've said before, don't always use a character's name within a paragraph. Maybe even two, if they're short. Of course, you only do this when you're talking about just one person.
One last thing. Pay attention to your tenses. You have the tendency to switch around sometimes. It's easy to miss and not always noticeable, but it gets distracting when you do notice. Just something to keep in mind. :)
Sorry for how late it is, love. Good night!
| H. Earthserpent 10/14/12 . chapter 5
:O Wooooo! keep going. getting awesome!
| L Lawliet 10/14/12 . chapter 5
Weeeell, there has been some improvement, I'll give you that. There are definitely more setails than before. But othereise, there's nothimg I need to say that I haven't said before.
PS Sorry for thw typos and shortness. I sm typing this by phone. Haha.
| H. Earthserpent 10/7/12 . chapter 4
:D i love it keep going.
| L Lawliet 10/7/12 . chapter 4
Hm... Well, one thing I noticed when you write scenes with just one person in it is that you tend to say his/her (mostly her) name a lot within a paragraph. I suggest, well, not doing so. Haha. It makes things sound... a little repetitive, I suppose.
For example, "It had taken three days for Alexis to journey to Syridor. Alexis looked for the nearest mercenary guild and took a look at the requests posted on their board." This could also be written as "It had taken three days for Alexis to blablabla Syridor. She looked for the nearest blablabla and yaddayaddayadda on their board." Pardon me as I am lazy. Anywho. There. Something like that.
Also, I think you did better with the details this time. It's still a little awkward at some parts, but there's an improvement, definitely.
What else... Well, it seems to me that most of the other things here are just things your beta can do, so I suppose that's all. :D I shall nao wait for the next chapter.
| L Lawliet 10/5/12 . chapter 3
Yo. This be the savior of your reviews. XD
So. Concrit, concrit. Well, I like the plot of the story so far. It has the basics established already. But I suggest slowing the pace down a little. You're going a bit too fast, and it makes things quite confusing.
Also, I suggest adding a bit more detail to actions and other situations. Sometimes, the lack of details causes your scenes to be cut off awkwardly. It feels like there's something lacking. Find a way to add detail without making walls of text or making things 't rush through your scenes. Experiment with different ways of writing them, if you want to. Anything to make things flow better. This also goes for the romance scenes. While you don't have to give DETAILS details, giving small ones even just about the kisses can change how the scene feels.
Another you could do is to get a beta. GET A BETA. This is more than just for proof-reading. Having a beta go through your chapters before you post can go a really long way. You wouldn't have to wait for proper reviews before you can work on making your chapters better. A beta CAN give you proper concrit. But I know you know this already. Still. GET A BETA.
Well anyway. Yun nga. I like the plot. I also like your characters, so far. They're pretty interesting. But remember. DETAILS. Don't scrimp on the details, but don't go overboard either. It can also help the formation of your character so they don't appear too flat.
Anywho. That's all I can say for tonight. I am tired. Loooong day. Haha. Good night, dear, and I hope this helped even just a bit! :D
| H. Earthserpent 9/30/12 . chapter 3
keep going. getting interesting.
| earthserpent 9/23/12 . chapter 2
Wooooooo! keep going. hurry and post the next one. :)
| H. Earthserpent 9/15/12 . chapter 1
WOOOO! update update update. :)