nice story toh!oh and what is the background on lim and isa... do they hate each other?oh and just a suggestion,why not let them be in cliques/friendship groupies in de story ya no?anyway nicee !(oh and glad to see I exel in something at least haha)

Ooo siao singlish. But Hey you reflected Singapore style. Nicely done, Nicely done.

I totally love your description of me. Thanks for giving me revenge :) great story by the way. You can ask mr Teo for help.

[Trotting along the stoned pathway, I dragged my legs to school, a good 30 minutes walk to the school.] I see several issues with this sentence. First "trotting" implies a brisk, usually upbeat pace, but "dragged" implies slow and reluctant, as if one is dreading something. Having those both in the same sentence is very confusing since they suggest two totally different actions.

Second, except for very few exceptions, all numbers under one hundred should be spelled out in prose, and it should be "a good thirty *minute* walk" not a good thirty *minutes* (plural). You would say "thirty minutes passed" but "It was a thirty minute car ride". Don't ask me why, but that's how it is.

[Just then, there was a light tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, "BOO! " "Seriously?!How old are you? You perfectly understand that we are now seniors, remember? Lim?"The same height, same size, same clothes as me guy (as referred to as Lim just now) just smiled sheepishly and started continuing the walk with me.] Whenever you switch to a new speaker, always switch to a new paragraph. Always. Whenever you start a new sentence, always have a space between the closing punctuation of the sentence behind it and the first word of the new sentence. Whenever you want to emphasize a word, put it in itallics, don't underline it.

["well, welcome to jixnin primary."] Whenever you start a new sentence, capitalize the first letter.

["alright, let's start the !] It looks like you're missing a word here.

["I almost forgot, since today is the first day, you need to submit your team's name to me by the end of this ,that means no lesson this period ,ok,go!"] 1. This is three sentences, not one: "I almost forgot, since today is the first day, you need to submit your team's name to me by the end of this. That means no lesson this period. Okay, go!" 2. Any type of punctuation - whether it's a period or a comma - should go directly after the word it follows. It should not be preceded by a space or followed immediately by a new word.

[At lunch, Mr Legis announced "There are too many groups, so we need to combine some."] When you have a dialogue tag (such as "said", "exclaimed", "announced", "proposed", etc.), the dialogue tag (if it is before the dialogue itself) should be followed by a comma before the dialogue starts. Like so:

Mr. Legis announced, "There are too many groups..."

If the dialogue tag comes after the dialogue, it should look like this:

"There are too many groups," Mr. Legis announced.

Titles like "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms.", etc. should always be followed by a period.

- Moonstar, Courtesy of the Review Game's Review Marathon - link in my profile