Ugh, sorry guys. There's a section where I must've copied/paste by accident.

"the more he worried and the more he worried the more his stomach twisted into tight knots and made him feel rather ill."

is supposed to read: "the more he worried the more his stomach twisted into tight knots and made him feel rather ill."

Cool, I like your story and you're a very good writer, I am new and this is the first story I read, really good!

Wonderful use of suspense and syntax - great vocabulary! Other than a few run-on sentences that lacked punctuation and conjunctions, it was flawless! Love the story line. Keep it up, please! :)