|Reviews for Red Rain|
| Lia Jenson 10/1/12 . chapter 2
Still very descriptive, but still lots of punctuation mistakes. Still lots of run-on sentences.
Fix it, please. I cannot enjoy it like this.
| Lia Jenson 10/1/12 . chapter 1
You are very descriptive, highlighting every excruciating, redundant detail as best you can.
You love run-on sentences and commas waaaay too much:
'"Hey sweetie, can you speak to us?" A white skinned woman said staring at me((,)) her hair was black and her eyes gray, she was pretty to look at, and by her voice, I kind of think she might be a really sweet person((,)) at my right, was a young man((,)) he looked ((like)) two years older than me, his hair was short and black and his skin white((,)) his eyes (,) though, had a green color and his lips a pinkish color. He((,)) also((,)) was pretty to look at."
And even then you miss where you're supposed to put periods ("for now she is just waste." and "Scarlett, you are a vampire.")
You should be able to get a beta.
I recommend it, because I liked what you did right and I'd hate to see any more mistakes get in the way of an otherwise great writing style.