|Reviews for Koritsu no Ayatsuri Black Jack|
| DutchAver 2/26/13 . chapter 6
You're a cruel person for giving me hope and then taking it away from me TT_TT I was truly convinced, somehow, that the start of this chapter wasn't a dream. Such a shame that it actually was. Though it would be a very pleasant twist to see the couple get together in the middle of the story, instead of at the end, which usually happens. But that's just a random thought that you can easily ignore.
The ending sort of confused me, and I get all the more curious towards Johan's real identity as I read more chapters. So he is a sort of agent, I guess? For a CIA-like company? And they talked about how Jack absorbed the power at the end of your previous story? And the 'royal folk' actually means the Astra?
I'm curious to read more, and glad I'm up-to-date now! Keep writing! (:
| DutchAver 2/26/13 . chapter 5
Well... ahem... *waves* Bit late to the party, I'm sorry :') Taking an FP break, I guess. Anyway. Reviewing time!
I loved the fighting scene with Cerise watching what happened to Johan, and then especially the moment where she realized that Johan wasn't all she made him out to be. Does Johan - and Christopher with him - live a second life, or something, as a CIA-ish agent? Just a thought, and I guess I'll find out about it soon enough.
Lord Nox, well... I think we all know who he is. Or at least, the people who have read the first story considering Black Jack. He is truly invincible, isn't he? I wonder who his superiors, the people who are apparently going to use them for their own purposes, will be. And again, the question - what has happened to Akina and Jin? The last bit reminded me of them a bit, and how it's basically the end of their story all over again. I truly hope that Cerise and Johan will both survive: they haven't even gotten together yet!
Good chapter! I shall read on immediately.
| seredemia 2/22/13 . chapter 6
...Typical Cerise to have a dream about Johan instead of worrying about her being taken captive by Jack... I suppose that shows just how obsessed she is with Johan. Priorities and all... And LOL, the Johan in that dream was so dreamy that I knew straightaway she was dreaming. Although I can't really blame her for fangirling over him. If anyone had a dream about that, they would fangirl just as much as her. But that still doesn't mean that I really want her to just grow out of her obsession for Johan. I don't think I want them to end up together anymore because I feel like she would just get like this all the time. If anything, I'd prefer her with Jack because I'm really eager to see how they interact more.
Speaking of which, I wonder why Jack is being (kinda) patient with her. My biggest hunch is that he's using her to lure Johan in. Maybe. Or maybe Cerise is more important than she seems. She keeps coughing up blood which reminds me of Jin, but I'm not sure if that's relevant and all. BUT WAIT. DIDN'T JIN'S ILLNESS GET WORSE WHENEVER JACK WAS NEAR HIM? MAYBE THAT'S WHY SHE WAS COUGHING UP BLOOD. I DON'T KNOW.
I'm not sure if I want to see anything romantic between Jack and Cerise, but I would prefer it over Johan and Cerise. I think, more than anything, I just want to see Jack interacting with new people. I want to see if he's changed or something... Hmm.
Hehe. I like Christopher and Alexis. They look like they're the type to bicker a lot. And along with Johan being somewhat more serious than both of them, I like how the three of them interact together. I hope there's more scenes in the story with these three. They would make a good group, like Akina, Jin, and Kana were in the last story... Torin doesn't seem so bad too, but I don't really know what else to make of him.
Nice to see that Johan isn't being completely reckless and diving in to save Cerise in his condition. And hmm, the fact that he called Jack a "brat" makes me think that he might have known Jack from a young age. That's just some weird instinct I'm getting so if I'm completely wrong, please ignore this. But anyway, great chapter as usual! I will just be here waiting for your next update...
| Francine 1/13/13 . chapter 5
JACK. I SEE JACK. I'm guessing that Jack and Johan aren't the best of friends here, considering that Johan seems to be trying to kill him. I think. But seeing as he's calling Jack "Lord Nox", I'm guessing that Johan may be an Astra too? Maybe not a pureblood one like Jack though. Hmm.. But the fact that Jack is calling him a sir hints that Johan could be quite high in class too. I know Jack is formal when it comes to speaking, but didn't he call Akina a miss in the last story. And seeing as Johan isn't referred to as a Mr but a sir instead... I DON'T KNOW. I'M JUST SPECULATING.
Facepalming at Cerise admiring Johan's voice whilst she eavesdrops at this conversation.
Okay... Cerise... needs to... stop... obsessing... over... Johan. NOW IS NOT THE PERFECT TIME FOR THAT. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH JACK.
I like how clueless Cerise is. She's going on about what an impressive human being Jack must be if he was that fast and strong and I'm just here shaking my head because "human" is the last thing you want to describe Jack as...
Gotta love how Jack is practically owning two boys who are trying to kill him. I've missed his badassness.
Okay, just reached the ending and although I was thinking WTF CERISE ARE YOU INSANE, you gotta applaud her for her... courage in daring to attack Jack. Because that's... that's... not the best thing to do if you want to carry on living... Although, I am really excited to see some interaction between Cerise and Jack because THAT SHOULD BE REALLY INTERESTING. Cerise's obsession with Johan is kinda making me not favour the possibilty of that couple now so it would be really nice if she stopped depending so much on him. However, her dedication for him is admirable, considering how loyal she was to him in the end of this chapter.
I like the idea of Cerise not knowing anything. Especially since she places Johan on such a high step of adoration, it should provide some good development for her if she finds out that she hardly knows anything about Johan and that he might not be as perfect as she deems him to be. If he's something bad like a murderer or an assassin, I hope to god that she doesn't choose to ignore that. Please tell me her fangirling does not stretch that far to ignore such drastic flaws...
Can't really say anything about Christopher yet, but he seems okay so far. I like how he handles the weapons whilst Johan tends to focus more on punches. It's nice to see that contrast and yet they still look like a good fighting team (but still not enough to beat Jack though). The fight itself was nicely written. Especially from Cerise's point of view, and despite the fact that it was quote annoying whenever she got distracted by Johan's voice and "coolness", it's really realistic in terms of her personality. She's just a typical teenage girl who has a crush. Of course she would get distracted by Johan's badass moves and agility.
Great chapter as usual! I didn't spot any mistakes or typos or anything!
| Charil Zweig 12/28/12 . chapter 4
Aaaaaah you can't leave this chapter on that note! No! Where's the next button-
I thought I had reviewed the last chapter too but I guess it slipped my mind and I just thought I did, so I'll real quick go over it: I really like the dynamic that you're building up between Cerise and Johan, I think their relationship comes off as very natural and I like that. The bit of background we got to see on Cerise really helps too, as it seems like Johan is the only person she can really open up to and rely on. It makes his announcement of his departure that much more profound.
This chapter: I like Alexis. I don't know why. She's charming :) I also like Cerise's viewpoint, primarily because she doesn't lie to herself. Like at the beginning here; she's honest with herself, making it clear that she's going to North Anglia to stay closer to Johan rather than trying to lie to herself or something like that. I think it makes her very real and relatable, especially considering her relationship with Johan and how much he means to her.
Altogether: I really like the dramatic way you've ended this chapter. Especially in comparison to the last couple chapters, where we got to see the relatively normal lives of the characters, it gives a sense that things are now starting to get serious and all the normalcy of everyday life is about to disappear. It's a nice contrast, and I think it works very smoothly.
This was a kind of quick review since I'm not at home, but I'm still eagerly reading! I'll be sure to review properly when it updates instead of forgetting orz
| seredemia 12/24/12 . chapter 4
Okay, I can see what you mean with Cerise being annoying sometimes. But, I suppose that's the charm of her character. You intend for her to be quite selfish and annoying, so it kinda works. Especially that part where she was complaining about Johan not putting her health first. Of course Johan's jobs would be more important, right..? I was very glad that Johan told her to shut up because (the mental image of an angry Johan was quite hot and) she had it coming.
Must. Not. Think. That. Johan. And. Cerise. Are. Cute. This. Early. In. The. Story. but arrrgh I love scenes where the dude comforts the girl, even if the girl is being quite unreasonable atm... Plus, even if Johan is her guardian. I find that more cute? I don't know why? Although, it would be nice to see Cerise stop depending on Johan so much in the future. You can really see that she's too used to having him around and that she's so dependent on him. I do hope she learns to stop doing that in future chapters.
UM OKAY CERISE IS A STALKER
CERISE'S LOGIC: FOLLOW JOHAN TO HIS COMPLETELY IMPORTANT WORK BECAUSE IT WOULD HELP HIM MORE
OKAY I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR TO FACEPALM BUT SHE... SHE REALLY LIKES JOHAN, DOESN'T SHE...
Alexis seems nice! I like how she seems quite girly and talkative, but she's still really different from Cerise. It's also nice of you to add more female characters into your cast XD I hope she interacts more with Cerise because it might be nice for Cerise to have other friends OTHER than Johan... I'm also interested to see more of this Christopher dude because I remember that you posted a drawing of him ages ago. I'm wondering if he knows about Johan's jobs, such as killing people...
Speaking of Johan, YEAH I LIKE HIM. Nothing better than a pretty dude who is caring on the outside but has secretive jobs that involve him killing people. Can you imagine what his description would be? Teacher by day, assassin by night? Actually, not night, but whatever. I wonder what Cerise's reaction to this will be like next chapter. Knowing her, she'll probably try to justify his actions or convince herself that it can't be Johan...
But anyway, looking forward to the next chapter! I WANT THE GORE.
| DutchAver 12/24/12 . chapter 4
One surely shouldn't try and tell Cerise what to do, right? If she decides to stay with you, she'll stay with you, obviously. It's kind of sweet and does show how devoted she is to Johan, more than normal people would be devoted to their guardians. And it seems like it's reciprocated, considering how Alexis responds. I'm also very curious to see how Johan responds. Come to think of it, why didn't he get the idea of bringing her with him in the first place? Probably because it's very dangerous...
And I don't even need three guesses as to who appears at the end of the chapter. She's going to meet Jack, oh dear. I guess she'll come out alive because she appears to be a significant character, but then again, you might just pull a George R R Martin on us and kill her anyway. It'll be interesting to see how that plays out.
One thing: I felt the resolution of the cliffhanger was a bit cheap. I honestly thought he was leaving for good, and it's kind of an anticlimax to see that he'll only be gone for a week. You might want to consider to change the last sentence of the previous chapter into something like 'I'll be gone for a week'. But that's just me.
Curious to read more!
| DutchAver 12/24/12 . chapter 3
I'm a bit confused considering Cerise and Johan. It's clear now that Johan is a teacher, but I've began to doubt - is Cerise also a teacher, or simply a student? I'll just simply assume they're both teachers, because I'm not sure what the consequences would be if someone would stay at her teacher's place like that. I guess they grew up and Cerise decided to stay at Johan's place when her parents died? Are they a couple? It seems obvious they're not, but still... I feel you could be a bit clearer on the whole matter.
It seems like there's something going on in that house, considering how both Johan and Cerise seem to have exactly the same health problems. Only Johan has some more, with the bruising and all - did he encounter Jack, by any chance?
As for the flashback, it might help if you'd put it in italics - it makes it a bit clearer that it's a flashback, I always do that as well.
Hope I was helpful!
| DutchAver 12/7/12 . chapter 2
You most certainly start off very interesting, in first person - unlike your previous story, if I recall correctly, right? Cerise's voice is a bit different from the rest, but she's not really that much of a difference yet. But I'll see what will happen later. What has happened to Akina and Jin? Did they die in your previous story, or are they coming back? It would be awesome if they did. Honestly, I briefly thought you started with Jack's perspective, but you surprised me!
It seems as if Cerise and Johan have the same chemistry Jin and Akina had in your previous story, with Ella as the third party annoying it all, a bit like Kana. But I think Ella is way different from her. Still, from only one chapter, it's kind of hard to judge. Cerise and Johan are teachers, right?
It'll be exciting to see how this plays out, but I like this chapter. Hope to read more when I have the time!
| seredemia 12/5/12 . chapter 3
I feel like I'm completely missing something about Johan's character... Because there's a lot of hints about who or what he could be... but I have no absolute idea at all. I'm guessing that he is somewhat connected to Jack or the race that Jack has... But... Nope. I don't know at all... AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE.
But but but I have to say that Johan is so charming! Especially that flashback scene because I was quite surprised that he would be so straightforward with Cerise. Idk what the main pairings are going to be but I do find Cerise and Johan to be cute together. Maybe as a brother/sister relationship though because that's what it looks like to me... (From Johan's point of view maybe, because it's kind of obvious that Cerise has a slight crush on him) BUT YES I LIKE JOHAN. HE HAS PRETTY HAIR AND EYES AND HE'S SO PRETTY AND I LIKE PRETTY MEN
I actually like Cerise's narration... It's a good challenge for you XD Plus, it's nice to see that even though she's probably just an average girl, she's still fun to read about. I especially liked the start where she was poking Johan in the first paragraph :')
AND WHY IS JOHAN LEAVING. I BET IT'S BECAUSE OF HIS HEALTH ISN'T IT. HHMM I DON'T KNOW. I AM SO BAD WITH THEORIES. FOR A MINUTE, I THOUGHT HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN A CLONE OF JACK, BUT NO. I'M NOT GONNA GO WITH THE WHOLE "JOHAN IS JACK!" BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT THAT'S LIKE "kANA IS JACK" AND LOOK WHERE THAT THEORY LED TO...
IDK IDK BUT GOOD CHAPTER ANYWAY
| Charil Zweig 12/3/12 . chapter 2
Alright, sequel, here we go!
First thoughts on the prologue: I really liked it. It's a real eye-opening way to open the new story, bringing the reader straight into the action. I think you've tied it to the first story very well too; just enough so that old readers can see the connection from the previous story but new readers can come in and understand what's going on without being too overwhelmed with the past details. The ending especially is interesting, it really sets up a sense of intrigue and suspense and now I wanna get back to that!
On this chapter: I really like the new characters a lot so far. I'm definitely seeing some parallels between Cerise, Johan and Ella, and Akina, Jin and Kana :D I like this, because again it's a nice nod to the first story, but the characters are different enough so that it doesn't seem like the same story but with different names (Cerise seems more open with her feelings whereas Akina was very analytical, Johan seems to be less tolerant of Ella than Jin was of Kana...). Being the first chapter there's not a whole lot I can really analyze about the characters yet, but it's enough to get me interested! I definitely like Cerise already; her narrative voice does sound less sophisticated than Akina's did, but I like it! And I'm intrigued about her heart condition; wonder how that will pan out in the future...
On Johan, not a whole lot on him yet, except the snippets of physical description you provided for him sound... almost familiar... hm :) So he's definitely caught my interest as well!
On a technical standpoint, I would suggest lumping unrelated actions together into one thought; the bit between Johan leaving and Cerise having her chest pain came off as a bit repetitive (I did this, then I did this and then I decided to do this). I'd suggest lumping the unimportant things together (I did this, this, and this, and then I decided to read); it reads a bit smoother than going into these kinds of details. That's from a writing standpoint, but from a character standpoint, I liked it; it's a nice introduction into Cerise's mind and her interests.
Anyway, glad to finally get to the sequel! I'll be adding it to my alerts so I don't miss any :)
| Vivace.Assai 11/29/12 . chapter 2
Okay I have a test tomorrow and a lot of homework to complete. But hey, I haven't done anything at all since returning home so far, so I might as well not do anything for school for a little more. Plus, I can review this new chapter of the story. :)
Anyways, first, I'll ramble on (constructively) about my thoughts after reading this chapter. I must say, it felt a bit weird reading this chapter at first. It was mostly because after reading such sophisticated narrators in the previous work, I have become used to reading Akina's, Jin's, and Jack's narrative style. So it's incredibly strange to read Cerise's narration, which is more direct - she states what she's doing and has a certain frankness to her descriptions - and simple. I did feel your writing was a little bit rough (there were some sentences where I've seen you express similar ideas in a better way) but after 2 months of not writing, it's understandable. But mostly, the chapter felt peculiar because of the different voice.
That said, my discomfort proves that you wrote Cerise's narration well (because you were going for her sounding different than Akina, right?). You've captured her character as a regular high school (maybe college) student, focused on admiring her handsome older male friend and worrying about normal things. This is definitely a stark contrast to Akina, who from introduction proved she lived a very different life. I think it's kind of interesting how Cerise is complaining about being bored with television because it just reflects her lifestyle - she seems (I'm just assuming here) to have had a relatively easy life and is more prone to act like that regular whiny teenager stereotype. I'm not sure how to feel about Cerise. I have yet warmed up to her, but then again, it takes me several chapters to start liking a character.
As for Johan... I'm not too sure how I feel about him either. He seems too perfect in a way, but then again, Cerise respects him a lot so it makes sense her voice shows that in perfection. He does seem to be attractive (and that description of his body - very nice :D). But his character has yet to really shine through for me or become distinct. It seems he's nice and very helpful towards Cerise (and people as a whole). But that's just it. There's really no flair to his personality at the moment, so he's yet to leave an impression on me. Of course, this is the first chapter with the two, so we have a lot of time to warm up to him. Who knows, maybe I'll start fangirling over him or respecting him like Cerise by the end of this story? ;D
I'm kind of curious about how you're going to take this plot... like where will Jack come into everything? And why did Johan faint? And why did Cerise have pain in her chest? Why do I have a feeling there is more to these two new characters than meets the eye? Maybe we'll discover something that is key to what is going to happen to Jack. I know they will be important to this story (otherwise, they never would have been introduced)... but how? I'm very excited to see what's going to happen next with these two! Especially with that cliffhanger of an ending. :3
[Two months ago, just thirty miles from where I currently lived with Johan, a major bridge in the train line had collapsed, supposedly the work of some deadly criminal I didn't know much about. All I knew was that I hated him without knowing him, because my parents had been on the train that had been passing over the bridge just as it collapsed.] I'm not sure why but this paragraph felt slightly awkward to me, particularly the last sentence highlighted. It's probably just because I felt the sentence could be written in a tighter manner, which would make it sound better.
P.S.: I think it's so cool how you're now focusing on Anglia instead! It's cool that we can see more of your world beyond what was introduced in the first story. :D
| Francine. Again 11/29/12 . chapter 2
GODDARN IT I POSTED TOO EARLY. BLAME MY IPOD.
anyway. WHERE WAS I.
so far I dont have a strong opinion on him, aside from that it seems Cerise respects him very much... I like how he's obviously very intellectual. And pretty. and he has long hair. aND CARAMEL BLOND HAIR RIGHT? anyway it'll be nice to know more about him, especially why he fainted in the end. WHAT IS WRONG WITH BOTH CERISE AND JOHAN.
speaking of both of them, I liked how cerise's slight obsession for him was a recurring theme in this chapter, yet it didn't sound forced or too much. to me, it just seems that she respects him a lot and being a normal girl, would obviously be quite attracted to this hunky caramel blond dude with brains... ESPECIALLY IF THEY LIVE TOGETHER LIKE HOW CAN SHE RESIST JUMPING ON HIM AND MOLESTING-
ANYWAY yup good chapter! can't wait to see what'll happen next :D AND JACK I CAN'T WAIT FOR JACK
| Francine 11/29/12 . chapter 2
OKAY SO I NEED TO PUT THIS STORY ON ALERT AS SOON AS I LOG ON SOMETIME.
I really liked this chapter! Idk why but I always enjoy opening chapters where we get introduced to the characters and stuff. I like the change it has from the older story :) Cerise isn't had so far! Her narration is distinctly different from Akina's, but not so much that it feels off. I like her so far because you can tell that she's got some spunk, but she's not too immature. Tbh, she just seems like an average girl atm. Aside from the whole pain in her chest thing. Either she's going through extreme puberty or there's something sinister happening to her... Hmm. Makes me wonder if she's fully human because there must be something up with her body...
As for Johan... idk what to make of him atm
| Kesaru Nahiki 11/20/12 . chapter 1
I really liked this prologue. It felt like a trailer of a movie or something the way I read it. To be honest, I wrote a story prologue nearly the same style as you, but it didn't turn out as well. This, however, was fantastic. The attention to detail was great and dialogue of Black Jack reminded me of a smart-ass guy, but in a good, evil way. (How that made sense in my head, I have no idea.)
The transition to the next scene was smooth. I'd actually look forward to the next part if I wasn't so pressed for time in real life, both in schoolwork and writing my own stuff. Keep up the great work!