|Reviews for Tech|
| Complex Variable 10/11/12 . chapter 1
[not to do it off course] - - - "of course"—extra "f", it doesn't belong.
[I'd walk at night walk aimlessly everywhere and now I don't even know how I did it.] - - - "I'd walk at night aimlessly, everywhere, and now, I don't even know how I did."
This piece has a nice, almost poetical feel to its lyrical prose. However—unlike "Clash"—it doesn't establish a plot nearly as quickly. It feels a little like words written for the sake of writing words (in both a good way, and a bad way.)
Your short sentence style can be very effective, but, at times, they come across as incomplete sentences, grammatically incorrect, or simply too ambiguous.
For example, I'm confused as to who the narrator is, or what's happening to him/her. I get that the first section is supposed to be a letter, but, with all the section breaks, I'm unsure as to what should be going on. When I read this piece, it reminds me of a dream; I KNOW that something happened, but I'm not sure exactly what. This story has all of the right pieces—it just needs a stronger backbone/unifying principle to pull it together.
| True Talker 10/8/12 . chapter 3
Reading this just made me think. This is very creative.
| True Talker 9/24/12 . chapter 1
You are most definitely creative and you do most definitely write quite well. Thank you for sharing this.