Coupla things

1- "He took nothing about her serious and despite" Shouldn't it be "seriously"?
2- "she had only fallen in love with her from desperation" I guess that second "her" was supposed to be "him".
Also, you repeat the same words a lot... Try to vary the words you use to say the same thing...
And the story still seems a bit... bitty. Your in one time and place then all of a sudden your half an hour on and somewhere else...
But it's a sweet story, and it still make me smile... However much I resent you killing me off...
xx
H