|Reviews for Unfinished Business|
| Just Entity 10/21/12 . chapter 1
really good! i bet you got a good grade on this
| scrubbybubbles 9/28/12 . chapter 1
Wow, you wrote that story from that prompt? How very impressive. Although you are only allowed to use dialogue, internal monologues, and onomatopoeia (you may want to fix your summary), your story was actually much more powerful. The building up to the end was well-executed, especially since for a there, you almost believe the kid was killed. This piece also displayed a masterful use of italics to portray tone of voice of the characters. I always knew that it was possible to craft a story from solely dialogue (and a few other literary elements), but this completely blew all of my expectations away. Absolutely amazing job, I have nothing to complain about in terms of word-choice, sentence structure, or syntax; good for you! My only real problem I have has to do with the summary. Besides the fact that you mispelled "onomatopoeia", what do you mean exactly when you say that Adrian is blind? In the story, it sounded as if the "assailant" had purposely blinded him, but in the summary it sounds like Adrian is just straight-up blind...you probably want to fix that. Go with the impression the story gives you, of course. Anyways, great job! This was such an engaging read even though it was so incredibly short!
| Ghanaperu 9/27/12 . chapter 1