|Reviews for Snippets|
| americanlebanese 10/22/12 . chapter 3
Wow, this is brilliant! So since you've reviewed my story, I thought I should read some of the stuff you've written and came across this and damn, this really captured the emotions! It's hard for a few words to capture such emotion, but you've done it in such a great manner. Also, I really like the Guilt chapter. I can totally relate ;) will go on to the Hatred, Happiness and Hope now.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 10
I don't feel this person is depressed and instantly have taken a dislike to them. I think cutting yourself would be an uplifting, releasing feeling, not painful. Why else would you do it? You may as well go all the way rather than inflicting more pain on yourself. No one can help you stop cutting yourself than you. That being said I do like the attempt at hope at the end as I believe all depressives want to be saved, mostly by the thing that made them depressed in the first place.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 9
I don't particularly like the cheshire cat simile, very cliche but because I connected so much with the other one I don't think that that person could ever show so much joy in front of an audience but that's just me.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 8
Unfortunately I was a bit of a geek at school and found all exams very easy but you do get your own feeling of nervousness across in an artistic way,
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 7
I like the 'like your eyes'. It shows connection to the character and why their feeling this way. I feel really sad for you though. 'There's just you, and the broken shell that used to me'. Sounds like a phrase that goes through my mind very frequently, and must admit that in a lonely moment I have cried and also put on the fake smile. Have you been reading my diary?
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 6
This I really like as I think it could be me as the ugly one so it means theres always someone out there who will find you beautiful.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 5
This could be jealousy as well as hatred, actually I think it could be more jelousy than hatred. But I have felt like that at times, but I think it stems from self-loathing.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 4
Not as dramatic a feeling as the previous ones but you get the point across very well. I especially like the dragging out of time effect at the end.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 3
I like this, despite it being heart wrenching. It is hard to lose someone and you get the feelings across well but it reminds me of a personal relationship that has recently ended. I say recently, (4 years ago. 3months etc haha) it never gets any easier.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 2
Although I like this, I don't think you should say drawing words at the start then go onto say that it's just a drawing. It could be forming a word, maybe even the word tranquility. The setting does sounds idyllic though.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 1
I like this. We all have things to feel guilty about and you sum up the fear and reasoning behind guilt really well.
| newnameahh 10/7/12 . chapter 11
I like this. I want to know what their problem is but I would assume from the other snippits that your looking at depressed people from a different viewpoint and you want to help this person because you have been depressed in the past but also know what its like when people try and get you to talk about things, especially when you haven't already spoken about it. No one likes being gossip.
| Reel Wander 10/2/12 . chapter 8
I loved all of them, you write beautifully. *clap clap clap* 10 stars!
| scrubbybubbles 9/30/12 . chapter 7
I think this is one of the best ones yet; I couldn't believe how true to life you had written it. Getting your heart broken makes you feel like a zombie, makes you wonder you even bother anymore. You become obssesed with a single object, one that serves as a symbol for the other person, to such a severe degree that it becomes unhealthy. And yet, you choose to act like you normally do because you believe that you need to suffer in silence, that nobody can understand your suffering. Especially the other person involved. Not only did you detail this 'defintion', but you were also able to put the force of emotion behind it. As a reader, you become enveloped with the sense of sadness the character feels, almost drowning in it. The paper becomes prominent in our minds, almost becoming a source of fascination for the reader as well, although for a different reason. The reader has a certain yearning to find out what's on the paper, to discover the true source of the character's misery. This chapter was so incredibly well-written that it almost hurt. There were only a few things that I might revise in this piece, as stated below:
Revised- "lying there for about a half hour now while"
Original- "lying there for about a half hour while"
Revised- "and find out that this was all just a sick, twisted nightmare"
Original- "and find out this was all a sick, twisted nightmare"
Revised- "Every single letter, every single nuance of your handwriting."
Original- "Every single letter, every shake in your writing."
Revised- "Whenever I try to sleep, I think about you"
Original- "Whenever I try and sleep I think about you"
Do I even need to say that you're doing a great job anymore? I think we can take that fact for granted now.
| scrubbybubbles 9/30/12 . chapter 6
Hahaha I feel like we've all been here before, to some degree or another. It's strange how the human mind works; making us absolutely obssesed with someone that is merely average and lackluster. You have portrayed this feeling exactly, even explicitly mentioning it in the second "paragraph". The use of shorter and less complex sentences really lends itself to the emotion you are trying portray. The way I see it, people who are infatuated with someone tend to focus on small and usually trivial details, think in a sporadic and shallow manner, and become absorbed with the image and actions of the other person rather than the thought of them. Therefore, the way you built your sentences reflect the way people would actually act (hope that made sense!). There was only one small error that I could find in this piece as detailed below. Once again, I have no choice but to give you an A for this.
Revised- "the admiration I have for you"
Original- "the admiration for you"