Okay, you've got some pretty legitimate issues here, but don't freak out. I'm here to help. :)

First and foremost, you've got to come up with a summary *before* you post. If you can't show any confidence in your own writing, then why should your readers?

Second, you use the word "of" in place of "off" at least twice. To readers, this is like erecting a giant billboard that says "I do not proofread my work!"

Next, and most importantly, you've got way too many incomplete sentences going on here. It is okay to use fragments in dialogue or streams of consciousness (because they are meant to mimic irregular speech/thought patterns) but the bulk of your prose should be grammatically sound.

Also, try not to start your sentences with conjunctions (and, but, or, etc.). Their function is to join two ideas into one compound or complex sentence, so starting a separate sentence with one defeats its purpose.

Finally, don't make updating your story conditional on the number of reviews you receive. It makes it look like you are writing for validation rather than writing because you have a story to tell.

Hope this helps. Good luck and happy writing!