|Reviews for The Zoo|
| Anxious Axolotl 9/30/12 . chapter 2
Interesting ideas in this, you're chapters are really short though and I couldn't help think they could be a bit fleshed out with more description. IE - where they are and what that looks like, what they look like, what the main character thinks of the others, etc.
[Even if we look human, there are critical characteristics that we have, that could give us away. All of us have the ears and the tail from our animals, but only I have the same eyes as my animal, the tiger. We have to hide these traits so that we aren't taken away from each other, which isn't that hard to do actually. We have heightened senses, like our hearing and sight. Oh yeah, Allie is a snow fox and the twins are red pandas.] This felt really awkward, especially being in the middle of the chapter. A lot of this information could be worked in subtly and seamlessly, for example mentioning Patrick and Payton's matchign red ears and stripey tails during the course of the story (Like you did with Kane), or having them see/hear something a normal person couldn't would probably work better. The information would also carry a lot more weight if you reveal it as the reader gets to know the characters.
I love stories that consist mainly of dialogue and you ended on a total cliffhanger! Try to make a chapters a little longer and add in more details.