I see this is your story. Good job, tragic but still nice.

Your work, however, did need a bit of editing. I need it, you need it, she needs it, he needs it. A little bit of editing goes a long way.

There's the theme of 'my life's terrible' going on. The abusive mother, the bullies you'd see in that Taylor Swift music video (hey, I don't like MOST of her teen breakup songs, but 'Mean' and 'Love Story' were exceptional. Plus she's a very classy young woman), the dad that does something terrible to himself. Repetitive themes are occuring here.

Overall, very good, just a little help is needed. Welcome to this site, and I hope you get a lot of reviews!

-Hermie