OH MY GOD Req-it may be short and you may feel it needs editing BUT I LOOOOOOOOOVED IT! It was PERFECT AS IS as far as I am concerned! I could see everything in my mind that you described and my heart ached with it! YOUR WAY WITH WORDS AND ESPECIALLY HERE -WAS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR ME!

Beautiful...what was she doing back there though? It's incredible...

It's nice how you can take a simple scenario and turn into something big. I don't think you should edit anything out, it's great as it is. But unfortunately, I know you have to. The description that you pulled off is superb and even considering how short it is, you still pulled it together and didn't leave loose ends. Simple, dramatic, and so very entertaining. Great job.

P.S. I loved your little anticdote in the author's note. Haha.

I like it :) The description as it is now gives the piece a nostalgic tone :D Good luck on your essay