I feel I am in the minority in this story.I think your story has a lot of potential. I love how you use vivid imagery and write very exciting action scenes. I was very invested in all of the action scenes. However, I think I must say that I'm not a fan of Ignis. He feels far too overpowered and tries too hard to seem cool, that he sorts of puts he off. I like how you are able to show his point of view with your narration and your prose is very clear about the events that take place. However, the voice I hear of Ignis is rather grating and annoying. He seems like a cocky know-it-all who borders on the lines of a wish-fulfillment character. In addition to his powers, he makes friends at school almost immediately, has two female girls take notice of him and manages to beat up the school bully (who apparently picked on him for no good reason).

I do not wish to offend you. I think this story has a lot of great elements going for it. But, personally, I prefer characters more down-to-earth and vulnerable. (I realize you attempt this by making Ignis socially awkward, but it still comes off as a non-weakness than a genuine flaw). I hope you continue writing his piece and consider my advice.

This chapter is called the same thing one of mine is. Servester Chapter 9: Police Affairs. Mine has a completely different feel though. It's about a serial killer who's a bit of an oddball when it comes to the typical serial killer. She's a hitwoman and a mass murderer but I just say she's a serial killer to keep it simple. Anyways, this is another cliffhanger like moment. Not as dramatic as the one in the previous chapter though. Can't wait for the next part.

... Why do people always end their stories at the best moment? I mean, it's okay in a novel to end a chapter like that but on the internet you get to let it simmer in your head for days and days and then sometimes the real deal that was written isn't as good as what you fantasized about. I'm sure you won't disappoint me though. You haven't so far.

About those feeling od warmth in the chest i complained aboutbefoare, its probably more of a feeling guys have rather than girls. The whole hormone thing is different depending on your gender... and age. For girls, I recall it being more of an ache than a burning sensation. Anyways, I foresee Ignis havingb anger issues with a second personality... or something of the sort.

Still love it. This really would make a good manga or anime either way you went with it. I don't know if your a good drawer but it'd be a good idea to try.

Honestly, the writing in this is still good but I think you should avoid really emotional scenes. I havent felt any kind of feeling of attraction to someone else in a looong time but I can still remember what it felt like and this doesn't seem to match up. For starters I have never felt wrmth in my chest ever and I dont think that someone would get rid of their humanity like that. In my experience they'd comit suicide or something.
PS i put a stories page on my website. I deleted some of my old accounts thanks to my paranoia.

Another good chapter. Poor Claire. I can't agree with the way she feels pertaining to love but it would still be enough to rip me apart to watch a real person die like that. I've seen all kinds of stuff on TV but that's completely different. I miss Ignis and company too. It's different without his POV. These two chapters just seemed so... dull. There's not even as many curse words. (Not American ones at least though I did crack up occasionally at the british ones.)

I still really like this. I was surprised when I came on and it was updated. A friend of mine reads this too and she has some issues with things like phasmopobia and satanophobia which is why it surprised me because if you so much as mention "witch" or "satan" she practically freezes and can't do anything. She actually started a little website of her own. Her username is always wolfwriter318 and she does writing and everything too. Trust me she knows a LOT about paranormal stuff. There was a rumor at my school that the cafeteria was haunted and she went into this "well, it's actually fairly likely that the cafeteria would be haunted compared to most places in the school..." Okay for the sake of fanfiction. If Ignis and Fletcher, Lexi, Tess, etc. were to come across someone they suspected to be supernatural, what would they do?

Okay, seriously. This is getting weird. I just got back from New York City again and I was thinking about a project I did for english a loooong time ago on the Salem witch trials which took place in the sixteen hundreds (actually I'm not sure if it did but I'm assuming it did since it's in the whole pre American Revolution era and shit) on the long car ride over... I think I need to take a break from the internet... Except I wouldn't survive taking a break from the internet. Okay... You're writing stayed pretty consistent with what it was before. Unless I'm too tired and lazy to read it properly which is probably part of the reason why my English grade hasn't been good this quarter. That or getting lunch detention because I was absent for part of this packet we're doing and, well that's not important. The writing in this gets a little (pauses for a long time to think of the proper word) foggy in one or two of the paragraph. Or maybe I'm just tired and lazy and my friend broke my brain by her perfectly timed action right after saying "You know, some of my characters are real," when we were talking about my story about a twelve year old serial killer. I still don't know if it was a reaction to my statement or a coincidental drop of an object in her hands but it was still pretty damn hilarious. The third person doesn't seem to change your writing much though.

I can give you a link to my account now. The story is probably going to take a while because I don't have all the information on the characters. It's still being written so I don't know whats going to change in the characters either. I'll still try though cause I love this story like that. Link: www .fanfictio /u/447 4295/ KimiW olfu
(I had to change the username thanks to someone finding out the original. There's no spaces in the address either. sometimes websites take links off so I didn't want to have to re-post it.)

This seems to have revived my cough that HAD faded away but now I'm coughing and hacking. Which staeted back up again when I reached Fletcher and his skittles. It seems like everybodys sick now or sick recently. I had to go to the doctor myself and I don't usually go unless I need antibiotics or something. Either way it seems like the longer the wait is on these chapters, the more depressed I get. I mean, after you post one I'll walk down into town or go to a friends house but after about a week I'll just sit around and read or play games all day. After two I'll usually be confined to my room reading, writing or watching some cheap comedy and after that I'll practically become part of my bed and watch spongebob ALL day. I don't remember what it was I depended on before but this has definitely become part of my life and I encourage you not to get distracted from it. I don't want you to end up doing different things than you are now because then your writing would change and it would be horrible after. I love this series.

Awesome chapter! A bit more like supernatural than the other ones and I was beginning to wonder when more of Fletchers more serious personality would show up. It was there during the fight with the...(scrolls up) remnants in the forest. Kinda at least. Too bad you got sick. I got sick recently too. It was actually about the same time. It's hard to tell because it was really weird about it. I was sick for two weeks, then it went away, then it hit me again and it was worse and I had to stay home literally every other day for a week. I went on Monday and made it through okay. Tuesday I stayed home thanks to me being really out of it. Wednesday I went and made it through. I stayed home Thursday thanks to a low fever. Finally Friday I went got a fever during third period and went home end of fifth. I missed all my labs for a week so I had to make those up, all of my grades are suffering due to missing homework which is too late to turn in anyways. Okay, I'm done talking about a pathetic cold.

You didn't do anything wrong. I just got really pissed off and needed to vent and you said you liked ranting so... whatever. Chapter good despite the fact you'd get an F in school for it being late. At least at my school you would thanks to the fact teachers think that one day is enough time to make up five tests, two quizzes, and twelve homework assignments. (English homework assignments which are a pain in the ass.) It's so stupid and everytime I'm tempted to shove my agenda book in their face and scream "its one day per day missed!" I don't have many friends in many of my classes since they're all either really stupid or really smart so I find myself flipping through the school's student manual in the agenda books they give us. You probably don't care about that though. I like the whole asking characters questions thing. The thing is I have no clue about what to ask.

(Looks like I put the full name up on here... shit.)
I swear to god it seems everything does this to me. If you ruin this series... I'll never forgive you.
I heard that one of my favorite animes had a second season so I went to watch it and they fuckin ruined it. For starters it takes place in Russia which I don't care about. I love Russia but I don't think it's well suited to that anime. Second they made the guy work for the CIA. He's Japanese. Third they ruined him. Supposedly two years go by and in the first part he's young like 20-30 but in the second part, he's like 45. That's not two years that's like 15-20. Even his personality changed and he started drinking. WTF? He doesn't even have a good team anymore which is why I didn't bother looking for a second season because everyone died. It was my favorite anime with one of my favorite characters and one of my favorite plots. I don't actually re-watch animes that only have content with the plot in it. It's just boring after the first time. I want to kill that director now. It's even worse than what they did to bleach. You can't have Ichigo... I don't know if people who read this have gotten to that part yet. *sigh* It was horrible there too.

I find this chapter to benot as good as the others action-wise. But its friggin hilarious. Keep up the good work.