Mel was pregnant in the wedding? Or it's after some months of the wedding..?
Uhm.. I didn't get why the gang bomb Mel's house. What have she done for them to do that? Hmmn..

You did quite well.(again this is coming from a poet) Though I lost a little interest and had a hard time getting into it. Other than that, great job. :)

you tweaked it really good:)

wow this is really good! really good strong emotions and pulls u in..love it !

So tragic, but a really nice story! very nice :)

wow..lotsa action...but like always need to work on the details, and when you do got them, not to hurry ahead of the thought and gradually describe..this could be a good outline for a book, then once you have it done, you could work on adding more stuff in into to make it perfect:) great job:)

one thing about your story, whenever you are dealing with some kind of a health problem, reasearch it a bit so it sounds real in the story.. "you're not supposed to be in here young man, this is a serious patient with memory loss. Immediately leave and don't come back until you are permitted to."-usually doctors more than welcome people so maybe the person remembers something..plus you need to add more details in on how and why is she staying in the hospital for so long, and why would she have memory loss? really need the details...
claiming he met somebody at this random place.-at first I thought he already met them, but after rereading understood he was supposed to met, I think you should add that he was supposed to meet them, not to get the readers confused
other wise really good and still keeping it mysterious:)

okay ill make sure my readers understand why she was taken to the hospital.

well i'll do that soon!

haha..yep I know...and its pretty good ...waiting for the rest:)

But they didn't understand no one knew how many people had died in her dreams.-you need to add a ood transition...feels like a run on..like maybe add there and no one new that in her dreams, many people died. idk mine isnt much better either but play around with it:)

Instead of acting like she was supposed to Mel gave up livinghuh?

A feeling of belonging (lifted) her head -um maybe filled?
why was she taken to the hospital if she just came up to her house? doesnt really make sense because she wasnt in the house when the fire happened,...if she was injurred in any way you should describe how and what happened. before all of a sudden she is taken to the hospital. otherwise wow...this is great! I really love, it and I really get pulled in into the story lots of great detail on the action and feeling, I feel as I am right there on the scene..

pretty good..:) what about your other stories? why didnt you transfer them too?