|Reviews for Howl|
| VelvetyCheerio 10/20/12 . chapter 1
I'll admit, there was a lot going on in that opening sentence. While it definitely sets the scene for fantasy, as evidenced by the runes, it also sets a tone that I don't think carried over into the rest of the story. The images it conjured did transfer over, but not the tone.
[The stone pedestal, glowing with the fiery white runes of an ancient magic cultivated by a far greater civilisation than this feted rot, now lost to time, rises from its pool of ether.] Just looking at this sentence, I would suggest removing "now lost to time". I feel like there will be other instances where you can mention that there are lost magics in this story without making a sentence run too long.
Also, this may just be a spelling thing, but I think "feted" should be "fetid". Again, I don't know if American and English spellings differ here.
The start of this though, was quite exciting. I thought it very interesting that you opened with an ogre! Usually when I see "ogre" I think of them as the bad guys, as these huge, hulking monsters with no sympathy and they're brutish and thick.
["And your people call my kind barbaric."] I particularly liked that line. xD
I was surprised when he gave her that dagger. I thought he meant to kill her with it, or he was offering it to her as a means to die before the succubus got to her. This makes me wonder what might happen to the ogre in the future, especially since the girl used the knife to unleash the succubus.
Speaking of unleashing the succubus, that battle scene was awesome! I'm starting to feel really weird, finding writers who can write great action scenes and I just have no talent. xD I was practically biting my nails when the succubus catches the girl and is about to suck the life out of her. Just the suspense of not knowing, and the knowledge of what the succubus is capable of... I was hooked.
And the description of the succubus, too! I'll be honest, I don't know how a relationship is going to be pulled out of this. I'd be too terrified half the time if it were me. XD She practically sounds like a bat out of hell.
The ending was hopeful. I wonder what the girl means when she says she's a criminal, though. Besides losing her brother, what did she do to end up in "the pit"? And I think Dawn is a very interesting name for a succubus.
This was a fun first chapter. I am intrigued by the plot. Your writing is great, keep it up! :D