No updates? Sorry, but you need a MAJOR grammar check for this.
a) Lyrics are italics
b) Tallulah is such a Mary Sue.
c) So is Adelle.
d) This should be a T - not a K. Change it or the story will be taken down.
e) Capital letters!
f) The chapter names suck. They need a major revamp.
g) Ben and Jerry's has capital letters. Get it right! Don't insult my favorite ice cream brand!
Other than that, it's ok, but unoriginal and bland throughout.

sooo short. Update!

I like it. Will pm you my CC (Constructive Critisism)

Nice.

AN ORANGE STRAIGHT FORTH THE TREE (Straight FROM the tree) EAT A FISH STRAIGHT FORM THE SEA (Straight FROM the sea) Can you add some more stuff please that she wants to do? Also SPELL CHECK!
EXAMPLE:
Lola hefted her close to overflowing suitcase onto the elevator, already feeling stressed she ran her hand through her hair.
Can you see the problem? It SHOULD be:
Lola hefted her close to overflowing suitcase onto the elevator, already feeling stressed. She ran her hand through her hair.
FULL STOPS... If you don't have any, I will give you some. Here they are... Are these enough? Or do you need more?
MY SECOND EXAMPLE:
Why not indeed Lola had thought at the time, but as the mosquitoes hummed softly over her head and Adelle and Zach played a relaxing love tune Lola couldn't help but feel that pang again.
Adelle had always been the one in the couple or with boys drooling at her. Did she have any hope at all?
She sighed and excusing herself she walked away with a scrap of paper in hand and a pencil.
She crouched onto a rock and after a thinking carefully scrawled down.
WHAT'S WRONG?
All the sentences are exactly the same length. Try something like this:
Why not indeed was what Lola had thought at the time, but, as the mosquitoes hummed softly over her head, Adelle and Zach played a relaxing love tune. Lola couldn't help but feel that pang again.
Adelle had always been the one in the couple or with boys drooling at her. Did she have any hope at all?
She sighed and excusing herself she walked away with a scrap of paper in hand and a pencil.
She crouched onto a rock and after a thinking carefully scrawled down.
SEE THE POINT?
Also how did they get out? Are you going to tell us that later?

I'm the tenth reviewer! WOHOOO! HAPPY B-DAY, AND PLEASE UPDATE SOOOOOOOON! MF

This is spectacular! :D MF

:D MF

THIS IS AMAZING! MF

Absolutely brilliant! :) MF

Happy birthday for tomorrow! Please update soon really love this story so far! :)

Weird chapter name. It's gramatically incorrect, but I still love the chapter!

Good! Please check through for grammar though.

Love the chapter, but GRAMMAR! Once again, remember stuff like, there must always be a comma to close the speech marks, FOR EXAMPLE:
"I would like to eat chocolate," said Mr. Tommyrott. See, there's a COMMA. Another example:
She nodded fervently in agreement, "Lola" she began chewing her lip as she paused. It should be:
She nodded fervently in agreement, "Lola," she began chewing her lip as she paused.
Can you see the difference?
It's the same with apostrophes. FOR EXAMPLE:
Zach saved her from asking, " Well, seeing as your not going to ask me, I'd just like to mention that I'm the only one of you three that can drive. So I have to come." Your is incorrect. It should be YOU'RE, which is the abreviation of you are. Another example is:
Millie gasped and her huge eye's began to overflow with tears.
That would be:
Millie gasped and her huge eye IS began to overflow with tears if it was unabrevated.

Lovely jubbly! Remember SPEECH MARKS though. For example:
..Hello, Harvey's window cleaning services. How can I help you?
Lola gazed out of the window slowing blowing a pink bubble from her chewing gum to bursting point. She sucked it in, and listened to the monotone voice that answered her.
Yup I can fit you in tomorrow at 5:00. That OK?
Cool, see you then."
IT SHOULD BE LIKE THIS:
"..Hello, Harvey's window cleaning services. How can I help you?"
Lola gazed out of the window slowing blowing a pink bubble from her chewing gum to bursting point. She sucked it in, and listened to the monotone voice that answered her.
"Yup I can fit you in tomorrow at 5:00. That OK?
Cool, see you then."
And, just an idea, put the song lyrics in italics. And Skyfall is one word (Check the lyrics!)
Like the idea, just don't lose the grammar. No body, lik want to red a stor lie this cos noone checke it.
Little Miss Toastie