Great two chapters, man. I quite like the character of Rorik, he seems honest and good-natured, although I retain this view with a pinch of salt, considering something could change at any time. I suspect this because of the blackmail and rotten techniques he used on Amari in order to accompany her; if he's so controlling and slightly underhand at this time, he could very easily do it again. It could prove disastrous.

I was going to comment on the character of Lenny and how he, in terms of ecentricity and mystery, reminded me in a way of Radagast the Brown from The Hobbit (forgive me, I've been obsessing over The Hobbit since seeing the movie), but that last twist has made me doubt that he was even a real person. It certainly has added an interesting edge to the plot; how will it progress from here? How will Orion escape? Is the Alpha even defeatable by the likes of Orion? Is there more to Orion than what meets the eye? Definitely a lot to ponder there.

I like the workings of magic in this story. It's very unique, different to the way other novels interpret it. Your magic is based off a spectrum with defined areas, requiring a certain type of energy (metaphysical stamina) to use. While LotR and Hobbit (excuse me again) see it as something very, very uncommon, the Inheritance Cycle sees it as something based off an individual language more than anything, and all it takes is learning what is required. I hope that, one day, Orion might be able to learn magic, since I see its advantages after what Amari did in chapter 8.

Until next time, toodles!

Very nice. I can't wait to read more of it.

What a brilliant chapter. You explained perfectly what you've been building up for the past few chapters. Although I found Orion's lack of surprise at the revelation of the truth surrounding his parent's deaths (made evident by his capability to plan a way out straight afterwards) a little odd, it did demonstrate some potential quick-thinking abilities of his and I look forward to seeing where you take this.

Until next time, toodles!

* more detail as to who the elder Orion was, is what I meant from that last reviewy.

Chapter two is good, definitely worth a follow.. lookin forward to more.

The prologue is great, and the first chapter has a good cliff-hanger ending... But I feel like it could have been a little more detailed as to who Luther was.

Great to see a chapter from you again. This chapter was certainly an interesting plot progression, and I look forward to finding out how their eavesdropping will turn out. I like the original workings of magic in this story; it's very unusual, which is a very positive thing and is a testament to your creativity. I also like the developing relationship between Amari and Orion. I can see that going in some interesting directions, although I have a nasty suspicion that she isn't all that she makes out to be, so it could end in heartbreak. Only time will tell. The characters that Amari and Orion were hiding from were clearly accented, which I enjoyed; because of the accenting in their dialogue, I could practically hear their accented voices in my head. It added a degree of character to them. It reminded me of what J.K. Rowling did with the voice of the character of Hagrid.

In reply to your question, I do think that the general is of some importance, otherwise they wouldn't have called him His Majesty. Unless I've made a mistake and it wasn't the general they were calling His Majesty. He's of importance in my opinion regardless.

Until next time, toodles!

Hey! I read this story when you posted it with one chapter and it read really well. I reserved my opinion, feeling it wasn't enough to cast my vote. Now, a few chapters later, it's reading really promising and you've given me a lot of things I have to know (and obviously keep reading to get the answers ;) ).

If I may offer a critic, it would be that the exchange between Amari and Orion where she decides to go with him seemed a bit rushed, almost like the both of them were a bit too eager to travel together that neither put up much opposition to the idea (especially with Amari and her moral code ...easily fixed by emphasizing the emotional influence). Of course, that's always something that can be fixed way down the line :) ...like after you've written everything.

But I'm only an aspiring novelist so don't take my critic too seriously and enjoy writing. I do enjoy reading this :)

A short but effective chapter that really encompasses Amari's feeling of grief and determination. As you said, your chapter needs no more than what it had. In answer to your questions, it added to her backstory effectively, and Orion's expression of his feelings really showed his passion for vengeance (which, I suspect, could be a negative thing if not controlled) and enlightenment.

Until next time, toodles!

This review is for both chapters 3 and 4, since I think you shifted the content over so I've apparently already reviewed chapter 3.

I like the character of Amari; the crushing drastic change of her viewpoint on justice brings depth to her character. However, I have a nagging suspicion that something's up with her decision to join Orion, since I can't grasp her motives. What might her ulterior motive be? You'd think that somebody enlisted to the best magic school wouldn't throw her previous life away so easily without a bigger motive.

Orion's crafty personality is becoming evident. It's something which served him well in this chapter, and it's more than likely to serve him well again. It made me chuckle, how he eventually defeated that guard. Certainly an ironic twist. I just hope he doesn't become carried away in his gloating to his foes.

It's very foreboding that Orion has been accused of the burning of he village. What does anyone have to benefit from an accusation like that? What secret did Orion's father hold that made him so dangerous as to justify the murder of many? Nice work this chapter, I look forward to the progression.

Until next time, toodles!

Wow. Such a powerful chapter. Loss so vast is unimaginable. It's very drastic when compared to the previous, more tame chapter; it's a pretty big shock to the system. I look forward to seeing the explanation. The story is developing interestingly so far.

Until next time, toodles!

It appears that, by logging in using my fanFiction account, an account on this website has been made under my name, which isn't quite what I wanted. Oh well, it means that I can now follow and review your story regularly.

This chapter was nice. It developed Orion's determined character and moved the plot along well. Kudos. I'll be sure to follow!

Until next time, toodles!