YOU DIDN'T ruin anyting. I would still like to know why you are so hard on yourself? Why? If only you could see yourself the way that I SEE YOU. REALLY. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU REALLY ARE. Whether you see it or not - YOU ARE. REALLY.

I'm in tears here - I can so relate to this right now :( You've captured that emotion and frustration and hurt so well. Good job! Always try to be positice though. Keep writing - you have amazing talent!
Anna.

the need and sorrow and pain you convey here are expressed very clearly and again you get the sense that every thing you have and everything you are is being laid out on the line, very honest and very real. This is so clearly something that's effecting your life and i just hope that you can grow past all the heart ache. Your more and more like a phoenix every day.