I FACKING HATE THIS, IT IS SU FACKING STUUPID

Hey Phoebe X, It's been a long time since I have logged in, but I wanted to see how your story was going... You've really improved your paragraph style, and the dialogue is a bit better... still, I find myself wondering why the characters are talking about things that have no relevance in their very dire situation... You might run a spell checker once in a while, too...

Otherwise, I see some really good improvements! Keep it up!

KK

i hate this story. FLAMES WILL BE USED TO COOK MY MARSHMELLOWS!

again, spellcheck. spellcheck. spellcheck. it is a good story, otherwise.

spellcheck. spellcheck. spellcheck.

*o* I think this is reeeeaaally good, I'm getting so interested in it, I really really don't like zombies but I wanted to read some horror and I've got a thing for doing stupid stuff so I started reading this, I'm not saying that this is stupid, god sorry I can't get words out properly sorry ignore me, anyway this is really good, it's so interesting and I really like the characters, I really sympathise for Faye, people in high school were so horrible, and it's really gripping when the zombies are doing stuff, I hope the others are okay :O hoards of zombies would scare the shit out me, gawwdd this is so good, please write more, the only thing I can say negative is sometimes your spelling or when names aren't in capital letters, and also really big paragraphs can be hard to read, I'm writing a big paragraph now sorry XD
Anyway, overall I think it's really good and I hope you write more, cyaaa :3

The plot is good, quite well written too, but in the first few chapters I got slightly dizzy because of how close together the writing is. I like the title as well :3

x

Following this story, I want to see what happens!

KK

It's a great, in-depth story so far. It's embracing, and makes me want to read more (Which I will). The description in it is great, it's interesting (unlike most zombie novels) and has fantastic vocabulary.

Keep on writing it, and good luck with the competition!

Ok, I am only being honest, as you have asked... the first two chapters are almost impossible to read, because everything is all jammed together. The third chapter is a little better, as well as the 4th and 5th, but, by the time I got to them, I was so completely lost that I was not sure what was going on.

I get the feeling that this is a story about a girl who witnessed a horrible event as a child, and then grew up in an asylum, then ends up in a zombie apocalypse... but, I am having trouble pinning down a time period. In the beginning, it almost seems like it is set in turn of the century London, but I wasn't sure. To tell the truth, I am still not sure what time period this is set in... It could be anywhere, I guess.

The dialogue needs to be tightened up. Are all of the characters children? Teenagers, I am guessing.

I will say that you are definitely cranking out the word count though. I am WAY behind on my count for NaNoWriMo...

Anyway, it has the potential to be a good zombe apocalypse story, but I got so lost in the first part that I couldn't keep track of anything that went on after chapter one. Keep it up, though!

KK

I might be starting to get annoyed. This girl needs to Woman up!

It is showing some potential.