it's nice, I like it. The idea is also refreshing (to me), in that it strays from the norms usually posted on this site. The mood was quite serious. Athough it works that way, it makes the story more demanding and reducing the amount of fun you can have with it.

I can't really say much about Sayuri's character, she seems like your typical brooding lone-wolf type. I don't mean she's bad or anything, its just, I personally I like them with some quirks in their make-up. Perhaps you would expand on her later on.

The narration was ok, though sometimes seperate elements were squized in the same paragraph; try to split them up. I liked the language used, fits the theme well.

Good start overall, keep it coming. You can always count on reviews from your's truly.

Good start to the story. The fight scene felt a little rushed, but then that's just me. I like the way Sayuri is written. She has a dangerous kind of aura. Hope you guys update soon.