|Reviews for of Children and Dreamland|
| InfamousDaydream 11/19/12 . chapter 1
Loved reading, moving and saddening piece! Very well written your description is amazing.
Two or three issues that I just want to point out:
You use "Pause" instead of "paws" in one of the first lines!
You tend to repeat words in the same sentences, like the overuse of the word "wolf" and "brushed and brushing" in the same sentence.
Finally you used numbers in stead of letters! That is utterly incorrect and I don't understand why people don't differ shorthand from English anymore!
Other than that the final thing I want to add is PLEASE don't add more. This is utterly perfect the way it is and having more, I feel, would ruin the beautiful atmosphere, with the sad ending as she finds herself "brain dead". (Though add more if you want it's just my opinion!)