|Reviews for Four Rings|
| Sorry-cant-login 11/23/12 . chapter 1
The simplicity of your writing is endearing, I like to think. Sometimes there's issue with word order, sometimes sentences are awkward, and very often your grammar is bad, but it's not taking away from the reading for me. As a quick reminder, make sure you end every sentence with a period. This is easy to spot and only takes a few seconds before you upload. Something you may not know yet is that when someone speaks and it's followed with "So-and-so Said", you use a comma, not a period. For example:
["Thank you." I said to Hannah]
["Thank you," I said to Hannah.]
If you're wondering why, you can google when to end a quote with a period vs a comma, but suffice it to say that it's a common misconception and you shouldn't feel bad about not knowing it.
The plot is interesting enough. A 21st century girl magically appearing in 16th century England. If you know your history, this could be a truly epic story. And if you DON'T know your history, you're in for a big surprise.
16th century England (Aka England in the 1500's) was ravaged by death. As Protestantism came into play, Catholics and Protestants were at each other's throast, quite literally. When Queen Elizabeth I came into power, all hell broke loose. It wouldn't be historically inaccurate at all if Father Simmons is executed in a few chapters. Lots of Catholics and Protestants were executed for religious reasons in this period. Try not to overlook it, as this is a key factor in history and very relevant to your story.
You'll probably want to ignore this bit, but when Queen Elizabeth came to power in mid-1500's, she made it a crime to miss Sunday Services. It would add depth and layers to your story if Tasha and James are trying to return to the present day while avoiding punishments during the war between the two religions. However, this can also make the story complicated, so you should probably just keep it in mind, but not do anything with it.
I guess Tasha is going to seek out James now. The two will be in great danger as "angels falling from the sky" so the next chapter is sure to be exciting!
I may be wrong about this, but I don't actually have any idea what Tasha looks like. Maybe I just forgot -I have a terrible migraine right now and typing up a review is NOT helping- but I don't think you provided a description for her.
Overall I'm happy to read what follows, though you probably won't get an extensive review again. Then again, no one really likes it when I get into really big reviews, and no one seems to appreciate the effort I put into it, but I don't mind. No good deed goes un-punished, or so the saying goes. Anyways, keep writing and I'll try to keep an eye out for the second chapter! I really enjoyed this!
*** Just a side note, you may want to keep all of my suggestions and comments about religion and Queen Elizabeth just plain out of the story. Writing non-offensive stories with religious factors is difficult for anyone, and I'm not sure as to your age and writing ability just yet. It's probably best to keep as much religion out if you're not very knowledgeable on the history. ***