|Reviews for The Game|
| Kay Iscah 1/5/13 . chapter 4
I'm a little disappointed in Robert. This would have been the perfect time to cast a shadow of doubt on Brendon. "Greetings, Sire. Forgive me, but I was just asking Brendon what he was doing with knife drawn before your door. Strange you have no guards on duty... I'm sure they would have asked the same question."
Though again, I don't exactly want him to succeed with his revenge, so having him bungle an opportunity is rather fun. Protagonists who do everything exactly right get boring.
I didn't get a homo-erotic/romantic vibe from this at all, so not sure you need the clarification. Though I do see the draw and foil dynamic. It's pretty common for men and women to be attracted to people of their own gender in completely nonsexual ways too. If you intend to leave it ambiguous, might be better to leave it ambiguous.
Particularly given this is "suspense" over explaining is a temptation to avoid.
For me, the only thing stretching credibility is that James is letting Robert walk around without keeping an eye on him. It's quite possible Robert just hasn't spotted the tail yet... but seeing as how the rebellion was lead by the son of a man who had been stripped of his nobility, James is giving his former prisoner a remarkably free hand.
| Kay Iscah 1/5/13 . chapter 3
I'm enjoying this more and more, though egads the comma splices!
Only major writing issue is that you keep defaulting to "He" for Robert's PoV, and when you have two male characters talking, it gets confusing. I know I already said it, but it's still bugging me.
Also wondering if you should rethink the story title. With "Game of Thrones" so popular and more than one film already called "The Game", this title doesn't help the story stand out very well. "Robert's Revenge" might be a little too obvious (and Princess Bride is not the tone to imply), but something more story specific would be nice.
| Kay Iscah 12/31/12 . chapter 2
I love the symmetry here between Robert and Brendon. Not entirely sure why he didn't go ahead and try to kill Brendon since they were alone and he'd gotten the upperhand, but then revenge isn't really logical.
I really missed the description from first chapter. I understand you don't want get bogged down with it, but I'd like to have at least as much about the throne room as the dark prison cell...maybe some words on colors or lack there of...color can be great for mood setting. This also struck me as a good place to hint at clothing styles. Not a fashion report, but something to feed the mental image.
Punctuation issues a bit more rampant in this one. You refer to Robert simply as "he" a lot which does make it hard at time to follow who's saying or doing something. Since "he" can apply to any male character, I try to use a character's name or identifier like "former prince" to show when I swap from one he to another. You're actually under using rather than over using names...though mainly just with Robert, everyone else was fine.
| Kay Iscah 12/31/12 . chapter 1
With the exception of a couple very minor grammar issues this opening is pretty much perfect, and I don't toss that word around lightly. Pacing, balance of information, character depth, establishment of setting...
I don't want to imply I hope the prince gets to inact this revenge, but the feelings of the moment are perfectly natural given the scenario and how by implication he would have been raised.
I'm not the biggest fan of horror as a genre, but I love suspense, and good storytelling transcends genres. I will read more, but wanted to give a little feedback before I proceeded.
| A. Nonymous1234 12/8/12 . chapter 2
There were a few errors, not with grammar, but with spelling. They were just typos, not a word actually spelled wrong. Other than that, this was very well written. I'm looking forward to reading more from this.
-From the roadhouse
| Link Roc 12/8/12 . chapter 2
Wow. Again, I've read revenge stories, but I don't recall many that actually have the victim claim loyalty to the ones they want revenge against. I mean, when I read the summary, about a prince having been stripped of his nobility after a rebellion and all, I kept imagining he'd be exiled and left to stir up something on the outside of the walls, but to stay inside and claim false loyalty...quite the change! I can't wait to see how this gets on!
| Link Roc 12/8/12 . chapter 1
DAMN! I gotta say, this is a pretty good start to an interesting story. I love how you give us a look not just into the darkness of the cell, but the darkness of the captured prince's mind. I mean, I've heard of revenge stories and plots and everything like that, but this is the first I've read - that I can recall, anyway - where a guy thinks of legalizing murder and rape if he came back into power. YIKES!
| Sebwazzup 12/7/12 . chapter 2
Incredible so far, when are you making Chapter 3? :)
| StgMc98 12/6/12 . chapter 1
Oh. My. God. That's amazing :) Please post more soon!
| Guest 12/1/12 . chapter 1
I thought Theodore was a guys name?! But it sounds really cool, keep going because this has the potential to be really awesome! :)