|Reviews for The Freshmen|
| Complex Variable 11/30/12 . chapter 1
Interesting. It's definitely more like a prose-poem than a "traditional" prose narrative, and it works quite well, because of it.
[ her epic tales of far-off war.
(Now I'm grief-stricken, ] - - - Either you've added an unnecessary RETURN after "war.", or you need to add an extra RETURN to separate "(Now" from "war."
There's a lot of lovely, rapturous language in here; it's exquisite. Just the right mixture of prosaic concreteness and your characteristic, quasi-poetic abstractions. A wonderful conveyance of young romance—the unexpected flames, burning brilliant bright, however shortly. Kudos.
Also, you should figure out how to type em-dashes ("—") on your computer's keyboard; they look much better than " - ", IMO.
Also, also, for the paragraphs that end in dashes, I would make those ending dashes into ellipses, if I were you—just saying. ;)