|Reviews for A Dangerous Game|
| Scriptertwist 11/30/12 . chapter 1
I like your story! It really shows the emotions of the scenes. I would suggest only this-
To make your story easily read, try to be more specific. Readers can only infer so much. You named one character- the Augustine. I would suggest tagging more of the dialogue with names.
Example- You said this-
"Ladies, gentleman, I think we all know why I have arranged this meeting," Everyone around the table nods their heads profusely. Of course they know, the issue has kept them awake for days.
Instead, say this-
"Ladies, gentleman, I think we all know why I have arranged this meeting," a portly man at the head of the table exclaims. Everyone around the table nods their heads profusely. Of course they know, the issue has kept them awake for days.
This way, you describe who is speaking without revealing identity. This is a useful tool if you want to wait to reveal the character in a later chapter with some element of surprise.
In this sentence you also had another issue. Words should not be capitalized after pieces of dialogue, unless they are proper nouns (i.e- names.) You capitalized Everyone. Refrain from capitalizing after dialogue except when proper to.
Otherwise, I enjoyed your story! I really hope you continue to write and expound on this situation. The atmosphere is very interesting. Political intrigue abound?