The story is becoming more and more enrapturing. There are some minor spelling errors that you might want take a look at though.

Ohhh, what will happen next?! You are really good at building suspense. I think this story can become very popular.

Great! Looking forward to the next chapter!

You may want to look over it. The story itself is amazingly thrilling and enrapturing, but you have some minor spelling and grammatical errors that may talke away the readers attention. Just needed to point that out...

One of the best Sci-Fi stories I have read on this site so far. It did very well at capturing the readers attention immediately and holding it. I would love to read more. I have been inspired to work harder on my story.

Dear author,

This fiction is bloody outstanding. I'm a hard person to please, and you have earned my respect just with this first chapter. So let me pick it apart and tell you what I think.

Grammar wise, I commend you. I think I spotted maybe three typos and that's it.

One note I do have is tense. Most work is written in past tense. Part of this fiction is in present. While this is unique, it offers some dangers and challenges; chiefly fluidity. I notticed on a few occasions you slipped back into past tense. Depending on wording, present tense can also become clunky very quick, so watch out.

Aside from that, keep up the good work. I anxiously await more.

Thanks,
William Sable

(Via ZuneHD)