interesting cliffhanger, not to much description but quickly paced which matches up

slightly confusing, but maybe that was what you were going for

I loved reading the full story, the first part i ever read of this story was the 9th chapter about the music and advise colomn when Vis Verbi was still working and editing it. I love to see how it's tied into the story. :)

I enjoyed the chapter. It bouces around giving basics and deep deep feelings. It also leaves the reader thinking and questions to be answered

good for the warning of curses
the way the this chapter is wrote is very good, you jump around but piece it together
when you describe people even the main character, try to use some characteristics you aleady had, like eye color, and those such. after so many chapters without them, it becomes harder to picture the character

It isn't all that bad, most of your chapters are busy and full of information so one chapter without that much isn't that going to hurt.
Without the band scene, it is shorter though and missing alot of information going on.
If the man (Jerry) is going to be in next chapters, i'd advise putting in a more detailled character description in somewhere in the next chapter or such before you do to much with him, you want your readers to be able to visualize what is happening.
Maybe add a sprinkle of more detail to the print shop scene, it is slightly confusing to understand why he is acting the way he is, unless that will be shown in the band scene.

very good chapter, alot of info in a few words. I must say I never saw that coming, very good twist. I never thought i would understand a gay's point of view. But you have put in to words expertly. Thanks for fixing the Paul thing. Maybe it is just me but i was confused and had to go back a reread the part of 'That night I fell asleep dreaming, oblivious to the stranger in my house.'

wow, this one is good, and(I'm of course not in your head to know if it is true for the story) some people say that spilling salt is bad luck, so maybe you were foreshadowing that something bad is going to happen, then Paul is running down the street to him, plus, you haven't verified who Paul is

you don't have to but you could give a desciption for the house, rooms, and the bedroom. I kind of had to create an image in my mind of his room off of stuff I have heard about people like that
you have gottten alot better at grammer, good job!

suggestions:
why do you say paul without introducing who that is? it makes little sense, unless your trying to do that and lead in another direction
i enjoyed the part about the mom, to me it was written with pretty good technique because I truly felt it and my mom never drinks, and she is wonderful to me
good job:) keep it up cause I'm running low on things to suggest you inprove on

A few suggestions:
explain what you meant to be the S
explain what the GSA means and is about
work out the school day scene because it doesn't seem to flow properly and is kind of just thrown together, try putting a little more fluency and detail into it

sounds great, cannot wait for more, i like how you did your options, it shows that there are many sides to every problem adn every problem has many ways to be resolved

hey, sounds good but a few things, could you explain what a boiler is, (your readers can't read your mind), can you put in whether or not the newspaper readers know who his ask Dre is him or not, and how you put I've lost many a good story that way, doesn't make sense try I've lost many good stories that way or I've lost a good story that way, don't go in between. Overall, it's a good story so far so keep up the fantastic work