Poor bobby :,(

This is extremely good so far!

I enjoyed it! It made me think ya know... Keep updating! -ABW

BasketballChamp, I read all that you posted in one sitting, so here is my review for the whole thing:

I thought Bobby and Sylvestra's story was really well told. Sylvestra in particular is a lively character. Normally I'm not much of a fan for 1st person POV, but I thought you did a great job with it.

As I was reading, I couldn't help but ask myself lots of questions about the world they lived in (which I took to be a good sign). I read that these scenes were set in the summer. How does Sylvestra manage to take care of them when they're in school? Do they go to school? What is their world like?

I'm also curious about the dad. In this day and age, I would think the father would be immediately questioned and possibly charged with child abuse and neglect if Sylvestra's story was investigated. Is there a reason nothing's done to him? Is this normal? Again, it might be an issue of how their world is shaped. Also, why does he keep going back to the hospital if he's a deadbeat drunk?

Finally, TB is highly contagious. Sylvestra is on meds to prevent it, but there must be lots of other people who are sick for Bobby to catch it, right? Just something to think about.

Really great story. I think you've got a good thing going here, and you can take it in so many ways. As an aside, I've also posted my own work and would love to have you R&R it. Extra sets of eyes are always helpful!

Oh my gosh, this was so sad! I was on the brink of tears the whole time! Although this chapter was heartbreaking, I am eager to know what will happen next, and how Sylvestra will learn cope with her losses. Keep the updates coming!

Poor Bobby and Sylvestra! They've gone through so much, and you display their troubles in such an amazing way! This story is so gripping, so please keep writing!

Wow! you're a really good writer! This story is brilliant! Good job! Please write more!

Wow, I really like this so far. It's well organized, and the characters are great. I like the strong yet ashamed protagonist! you have something good going here, so keep writing!

"I dragged myself out of bed, with much groaning" implies that she is not a morning person, so the "I am not a morning person does not" sentence does not need to be there. Other than that, good job!