|Reviews for Love and Hate (In chapters)|
| Anihyr Moonstar 12/15/12 . chapter 1
Starting off with "My name is..." is rarely a good idea because those are the sort of sentences we write when we're first learning to put pencil to paper. You might consider trying to make the most of your first few lines to set your story apart. It's your golden opportunity to grab your reader's attention; gotta make the most of it.
The prose is also a little difficult to get into since you seem to change tenses often. [My name is] - present tense - [I was a slayer] - past tense - [I spend my life] - present tense - [I was strong] - past tense. After that you seem to stick mostly with past. If you're determined to stick with the opening you have, I'd make it: [My name is Isabella Hathaway, and I am a slayer. My parents were...] etc. and then [I have spent my life living in the woods...] And after that stick with past tense.
It's a little awkward still, but better than the current cutting back and forth.
[I got in rough fights and almost got my self in pretty close fights.] What? This looks like repetition to me. In any case, it doesn't make much sense as it is.
So far you're spending basically all of your time "telling" the audience everything. That is to say, everything is listed off. The narrator is explaining her life point blank. To keep things more interesting, you might consider dropping details more slowly - letting us figure out what's going on through the way the characters act and what they say. It makes the impact stronger.
- Moonstar, review courtesy of the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)
| Renessme 12/12/12 . chapter 11
I love bad boy, but caring Leo. MORE :)
| chaquira 12/12/12 . chapter 11
OMG, Love it. Cant wait to see what happens next. :) please continue.
| babygirl2012 12/12/12 . chapter 10
Love it, please continue :)