X WARRIOR 1 thanks for the constructive criticism. may i remind you i am a beginning writer, so there are going to be mistakes here and there. over time, i will write better. but for now, if you don't like the way i write, maybe this story isn't for you. as for things not adding up, this is fiction! why should i make it so realistic? let's have some fun, shall we?

missing a BUNCH of words...and again, too rushed...and some things dont add up...ignoring the fact that no one carries enough money around to add up to a million bucks, why would she need a job if she somehow collected a million bucks on the spot? she has no connections as she has to pretend to be someone else now...revise and rethink this...the idea itself has potential, but you gotta find the right way to bring it to life

feels a little rushed...